1 1/2 Years

Well its been an interesting year and a half. I started this blog a few months before i turned 18 and now i'm turning 19 in about an hour. So many things has happened since then, and I've gone from "emo" to just a regular girl. Boring right? Sometimes me and Dez chit chat every now and then, but there's this invisible line thats keeping us from getting as close as we use to be. I'm almost done with my first year of college too and on my eighth month with V. There hasn't been any real drama in my life lately, thank god, because that was a very stressful time. Now that I've figured out the inner workings of college i'm just taking everything as slow and easy as i can. V said that he wants to be with me till we're old and wrinkly, haha, his exact words were "I want us to make it till we're 100." Once he gets his life a little in order (and me too) I can see myself actually marrying him. But anyway, I've learned a lot this year. I graduated High School, started college, found a boyfriend i love, lost a best friend =[ and I've been called a few unkindly names. I've learned things are as they seem, and that you don't have to try so hard (except with school) because things usually work themselves out. But i guess, like me, you never really want to listen until you experience things yourself. This is probably going to be my last blog because I'm always busy with school. I haven't even been able to watch any shows or anime since summer because i'm always doing something for school. Bye everyone, it was fun, I'll be back during summer ;] thats where all the fun happens.

The one & only

DarkEmo

Merry Chistmas

I haven't really been making blogs lately, but life's been pretty much hectic with school and the crazy hours at work. Me and viere are still together, and he's been ok for the most part. He had another seizure early this morning but doctors think its because they where testing him out on new medication and he's ok, we called each other a bunch of times during the day just to check in, and then I'm visiting him tomorrow, i didn't get a chance to go see him today because i was at work and when i got off work i had to pick my aunt up at the airport because she's spending two weeks down here for Christmas and new years. I still don't know what I'd do if me and V moved in together and he has a seizure right there, but I love him enough to not let that make me hesitate about the whole moving in together thing. Right now i see myself with him for the rest of my life, getting married and one day having kids, after i graduate of course. He still "jokes" around about the marriage thing too, asking stuff like "When are we going to get married?" or "When are we going to start living together" its even gotten to the point where sometimes his sister refers to me as her sister-in-law....and i dnt hate it, haha. as for Dez, he calls every now and then, but every time he does I'm either on my way to work or the times that he wants to hang I have to go in for work or something else comes up. Living in the adult world i realize that I'm always busy doing something whether its school, work, or just trying to catch up on everything i missed because of school and work. There never really is time for myself besides these little midnight computer times, but even then that only gives me a few hours of rest and then I'm tired the next day, so everything is out of whack. I've been working almost a week and a half straight at work and it got to the point where it was too many days back to back that the manager told me to take the day off Monday, so I've using that day off to go see viere. I passed all of my classes except algebra, i got A A A D for all my classes....can you guess what algebra was? i think the grade was a mistake though because the teacher told me i was passing with a C the last time i spoke to him so i e-mailed him and I'm hoping he e-mails back before winter term actually starts up. Besides all of that i finally got a car, and I'm just waiting for tags and registration so everything should be done the week after Christmas. =]

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. Sorry for not posting in such a long time, its just that nothing really goes on anymore, and I feel like you might be tired of hearing about V.

I've Noticed

I've noticed, ever since the accident V has been staring at me more. like the other day i was doing my homework and when i looked up, he was staring at me. And sometimes while i'm watching tv i can see him looking through the corner of my eye. I cant help but wonder what is he looking at, or what does he see. He's changed, it feels like we've become...more serious.

The one & only

DarkEmo

The longest day of my life

Wednesday Nov 11th 2009
Viere came over and we hung out for the day and did some errands for my mom. Later in the day his dad called me asking about stuff i didn't know and we got into a fight over it. i was mad that V was keeping secrets from me and confronted him about it...he finally told me what he was hiding, He has epilepsy. The whole day i was thinking about it and didn't know what to do. He said he didn't tell me because the last girl he was dating that he told broke up with him because of it. I'll admit i was shocked, but not enough to break up with the person i loved. We went to the park and he didn't kiss me good-bye, i think he was a bit stressed about what his dad said to me (some really bad things btw). Later that night i got called in for work in the mall, i didn't get home till around 11:30 to 12:00 so i started to catch up on some errands that i was doing before i got called in. By the time i was ready to go to sleep it was around 2:30am. I got a call a few minutes after i laid down and it was V's sister. He had a seizure and was in the hospital. I quickly got out of bed and raced to the hospital with his parents. When i got there they told me he had four seizures in total that night, and they had to sedate him to keep him still. When i saw him in the hospital bed with all the wires and tubes i burst into tears and couldn't stop for hours. Finally the doctor gave him new medication and said he was ready to go at around 6:00 in the morning. I sat by his bed the whole time. His parents left and i had to sign his release papers and then they came back and took us to his house. He was pretty dizzy because of the medication they gave him to sedate him and i had to help him walk around. When we got to his place i helped clean up his room where his attack happened and then we both fell asleep on the couch. Finally 9:00am came around and i headed home to let him get some rest and to try to take my mind off of everything that happened. It was a long day, and i cant wait till he gets better and back to himself. I was scared, i don't want to see him like that again. I love him.
Thursday Nov 12th 2009

The one & only
DarkEmo

OMG!

so after i made the blog i went on to facebook to play some dumb ass game, and now he's (Dan) is texting me on my phone! -_-' "i need to see you"

DAMN

ok so I'm innocently doing my homework when i get an unknown caller pop up on my phone. lately I've been answering my phone for just about anything now, because i never know if its a job thing or what. but low and behold...it was Dan, of all the people in the world. when i first heard his voice i was a bit in denial still, but when he said "do you remember who this is" it just clicked for me. After all this time why is he calling me now!? he was going on about why i haven't called him and if i didn't have one day to spare just to talk to him, and that he missed me and wanted to see me, and that i was his girlfriend, and as far as he's concerned that hasn't changed. and i was like wtf, what is this guys prob! so anyway every time he said he wanted to see me i kept replying "That's not a good idea, I'm in a serious relationship" and he'd ask if i wanted to see him and I'd say no. the only way for him to get it is if your harsh. he kept pushing the meeting thing, but i kept pushing a 'no' because i didn't really like our relationship and i really love viere. [he'd be so proud, lol] and after a long back and forth convo he told me that he moved and gave me the address (i didn't write it down though, because i couldn't really care less about where he lived now) and then after more back and forth of him trying to get us back together and wanting to see me he said i love you....it went like this, Dan first then me

D: ok bye

Me: bye

D: i love you

Me: I'm not going to say it

D: i love you

Me: ok bye

D: i love you

Me: Dan, I'm with someone i love and care for and its a serious relationship

D: ...ok bye

Me: bye

D: goodnight

Me: Goodnight

*click*

and then that was it. He was really hot, and I'll admit i do find myself thinking about him sometimes, but i have more happy moments with viere, with V it feels more real then it ever did with Dan......i can never figure him out (Dan) -_- hopefully he doesn't call again so that i can try to fully put him in my past. Viere was actually asking about my ex's the other day and since Dan is practically the only one (besides crazy chloe) he wanted to know a lot about him, like why we split and what he looked like, what we did together, etc etc.

The one & only

DarkEmo

P.S. i cant handle all these damn surprises

Missing the In-between

Haven't made a blog in a while and that's mostly because i thought everyone would be tired of hearing about Viere, so if you are....you shouldn't read this blog because i talk about him partially. Since my last blog I've finally got a job in the mall. Right now the hours aren't so great but the boss is saying it'll pick up during the holiday. I was hired as a seasonal employee though so I'm hoping that all the hard work that I'm doing now will make them want to keep me as a year round employee. Besides work I'm kinda struggling in school with my math class, but then again math has never been my best subject, and the teacher isn't really that great at going over the problems, so i end up trying to teach myself all of the work. I barley have time for myself now a days because I'm always at school, doing homework, or at work, and the little time i do have off i try to squeeze in Viere, but its hard because he's working and trying to find a place of his own too, so its not like high school dating where you just worry about your boyfriend and friends and then doing homework. Sometimes i feel like I've skipped the college life and took an express train straight to adulthood! Viere asked me to move in with him when he buys his place (right now he has a roommate so he's trying to get a place for just himself) he asked me twice, the first time i didn't really answer and then the second time, i told him no, but in more words though, he was kinda sad but he understood because i told him i wanted to save up some of my own money first before i moved out of my parents place. I kinda do want to move in with him, but its way too soon so i know its a bad idea. There are lots of things that i want to do with him but its not in my time line to become a doctor. So I'm trying to stick to my plan, and he's being patient with me, but i wonder for how long, because everything is always when I'm free or when i feel like it. We need to compromise, but i don't think that will happen until a few things clear up in both of our lives. Maybe he's being so understanding because I'm still in school right now....any way he said after he saves money for a place and everything he wants to go back to school to become a pilot. Sometimes i wish money wasn't as important as it was. It makes life so hard, the rich stay rich and the poor gets 'poor'er (i know that's not a word but its poetic licenses, you know what it means and that all that matters)

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. its been over four months now, i wonder if we'll make it to a year