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Ignored 2011

Heeeey there!

Long time no see, apparently 2011 was either uneventful or extremely busy for me to skip a whole year. A little of both really. 21, finally. I've left v.... now I'm remembering why 2011 isn't on here, haha, we split in December, obviously I'm not too torn up about it. We grew apart and the last year of our relationship was me trying to keep the pieces together. struggling with the fact that he wasn't as great as I thought he was and with my inner thoughts (that I'll explain in a bit)

Sooooo.....I've always thought I was bisexual, never questioned the fact, but the older I became the more I realized I wanted to spend my life with a woman, that I enjoy everything about being with a woman, and love everything about being with a woman. Long story short, I’m a lesbian, and I always confused myself as being a bisexual, so don't go thinking that being LGBT is a choice, a lot of internal battles was going on that I never expressed. When I discovered myself I knew it was time to say good-bye to V because I was wasting both of our times. I've started actively dating now, something I’ve never really done before and got a few really great women but also some really crazy ones haha, you never really know how insane a woman can get until you date one! As for friends me and Dez aren't as close anymore, he moved to Orlando with is boyfriend and because of that we don't get to talk as much, back home though my friend jojo and I became closer, I met her first on Facebook, but we didn't have our first meeting until a few months after I started dating V. After all that time we've become supper close and its great, she’s smart, beautiful, sarcastic, and definitely has her head on her shoulders and she knows what she wants. Even though I've been dating and meeting new people a part of me hopes that one day we can be more than friends, but hopes for the hopeless, lol, it’s like I know everything about her but nothing at all, but changing the topic before anyone thinks I'm obsessed. I've gotten my associates in Biology and on the way to getting a bachelors, the amount of jobs I've gone through this year trying to find the right one to pay my bills is CRAZY!!!! but I'm still working at good old Bath & BodyWorks like I've been the last few years, haven't been able to find one I love just as much as BBW. Gotten a new car too, my old one was literally too old and just died out on me, went through almost a whole year before I got another one, saving up money myself. So much has happened in the months I’ve been gone and it’s so much to explain, but I’ll try to keep it up this time I promise. The 18 year old me that started this blog is a completely different person from the one typing now. I’ve lost some weight, chopped off all my hair (growing back into a fro now because I chopped a few months ago) changed my style a bit and been way more open and verbal with how I feel, and as corny as it sounds communication is key, there has been times when I missed out on really great people because the communication wasn’t clear and an opportunity missed never to be returned again... feels like I’m speaking from the heart haha, yea I missed my chance, but that’s a story for another day. For now, goodnight bloggers and I hope this has satisfied your thirst for the ‘happenings’ in my life

The one & only

DarkEmo

P.S. I've also taken up photography, every picture that i put up with my posts now are pictures that I've personally taken, follow me on instagram ;-]

1 1/2 Years

Well its been an interesting year and a half. I started this blog a few months before i turned 18 and now i'm turning 19 in about an hour. So many things has happened since then, and I've gone from "emo" to just a regular girl. Boring right? Sometimes me and Dez chit chat every now and then, but there's this invisible line thats keeping us from getting as close as we use to be. I'm almost done with my first year of college too and on my eighth month with V. There hasn't been any real drama in my life lately, thank god, because that was a very stressful time. Now that I've figured out the inner workings of college i'm just taking everything as slow and easy as i can. V said that he wants to be with me till we're old and wrinkly, haha, his exact words were "I want us to make it till we're 100." Once he gets his life a little in order (and me too) I can see myself actually marrying him. But anyway, I've learned a lot this year. I graduated High School, started college, found a boyfriend i love, lost a best friend =[ and I've been called a few unkindly names. I've learned things are as they seem, and that you don't have to try so hard (except with school) because things usually work themselves out. But i guess, like me, you never really want to listen until you experience things yourself. This is probably going to be my last blog because I'm always busy with school. I haven't even been able to watch any shows or anime since summer because i'm always doing something for school. Bye everyone, it was fun, I'll be back during summer ;] thats where all the fun happens.

The one & only

DarkEmo

Merry Chistmas

I haven't really been making blogs lately, but life's been pretty much hectic with school and the crazy hours at work. Me and viere are still together, and he's been ok for the most part. He had another seizure early this morning but doctors think its because they where testing him out on new medication and he's ok, we called each other a bunch of times during the day just to check in, and then I'm visiting him tomorrow, i didn't get a chance to go see him today because i was at work and when i got off work i had to pick my aunt up at the airport because she's spending two weeks down here for Christmas and new years. I still don't know what I'd do if me and V moved in together and he has a seizure right there, but I love him enough to not let that make me hesitate about the whole moving in together thing. Right now i see myself with him for the rest of my life, getting married and one day having kids, after i graduate of course. He still "jokes" around about the marriage thing too, asking stuff like "When are we going to get married?" or "When are we going to start living together" its even gotten to the point where sometimes his sister refers to me as her sister-in-law....and i dnt hate it, haha. as for Dez, he calls every now and then, but every time he does I'm either on my way to work or the times that he wants to hang I have to go in for work or something else comes up. Living in the adult world i realize that I'm always busy doing something whether its school, work, or just trying to catch up on everything i missed because of school and work. There never really is time for myself besides these little midnight computer times, but even then that only gives me a few hours of rest and then I'm tired the next day, so everything is out of whack. I've been working almost a week and a half straight at work and it got to the point where it was too many days back to back that the manager told me to take the day off Monday, so I've using that day off to go see viere. I passed all of my classes except algebra, i got A A A D for all my classes....can you guess what algebra was? i think the grade was a mistake though because the teacher told me i was passing with a C the last time i spoke to him so i e-mailed him and I'm hoping he e-mails back before winter term actually starts up. Besides all of that i finally got a car, and I'm just waiting for tags and registration so everything should be done the week after Christmas. =]

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. Sorry for not posting in such a long time, its just that nothing really goes on anymore, and I feel like you might be tired of hearing about V.

I've Noticed

I've noticed, ever since the accident V has been staring at me more. like the other day i was doing my homework and when i looked up, he was staring at me. And sometimes while i'm watching tv i can see him looking through the corner of my eye. I cant help but wonder what is he looking at, or what does he see. He's changed, it feels like we've become...more serious.

The one & only

DarkEmo

The longest day of my life

Wednesday Nov 11th 2009
Viere came over and we hung out for the day and did some errands for my mom. Later in the day his dad called me asking about stuff i didn't know and we got into a fight over it. i was mad that V was keeping secrets from me and confronted him about it...he finally told me what he was hiding, He has epilepsy. The whole day i was thinking about it and didn't know what to do. He said he didn't tell me because the last girl he was dating that he told broke up with him because of it. I'll admit i was shocked, but not enough to break up with the person i loved. We went to the park and he didn't kiss me good-bye, i think he was a bit stressed about what his dad said to me (some really bad things btw). Later that night i got called in for work in the mall, i didn't get home till around 11:30 to 12:00 so i started to catch up on some errands that i was doing before i got called in. By the time i was ready to go to sleep it was around 2:30am. I got a call a few minutes after i laid down and it was V's sister. He had a seizure and was in the hospital. I quickly got out of bed and raced to the hospital with his parents. When i got there they told me he had four seizures in total that night, and they had to sedate him to keep him still. When i saw him in the hospital bed with all the wires and tubes i burst into tears and couldn't stop for hours. Finally the doctor gave him new medication and said he was ready to go at around 6:00 in the morning. I sat by his bed the whole time. His parents left and i had to sign his release papers and then they came back and took us to his house. He was pretty dizzy because of the medication they gave him to sedate him and i had to help him walk around. When we got to his place i helped clean up his room where his attack happened and then we both fell asleep on the couch. Finally 9:00am came around and i headed home to let him get some rest and to try to take my mind off of everything that happened. It was a long day, and i cant wait till he gets better and back to himself. I was scared, i don't want to see him like that again. I love him.
Thursday Nov 12th 2009

The one & only
DarkEmo

OMG!

so after i made the blog i went on to facebook to play some dumb ass game, and now he's (Dan) is texting me on my phone! -_-' "i need to see you"