Strange Dream Strange Emotions

I haven't made a blog lately, even though soooo much has been going on in my mind. I'm still with Dan, and i haven't talked Steve in a few days though, i was going to message him today on myspace, but as far as the whole dating thing, that's kinda out of my head right now. My emotions have kinda been out of whack lately and I'm going through a lot of conflict in my head, not to mention I've been having strange dreams every night, not strange scary, but strange in a sexual way. Over the weekend i had the strongest urge to just rip down every poster in my room....and i did. my room now looks, bare and white, like i just moved in, and I've started sorting through my stuff, tossing stuff out and packing others in boxes. I'm also going through mood swings, and others around me are really starting to notice. one of my friends said its because I'm pregnant...but i know that's not it, and don't ask me how. I think whats really happening is I'm realizing that high school is almost over for me, and there's so many things i still wanted to do before going off to university, and all the stress of paying for applications and SAT/ACT's and sending transcripts and applying for scholarships & grants etc etc is causing me to have an early "mid life" crisis. I think all of this put together is causing all this extra stress on me. I want to break up with Dan though, its been a little over two months, but i want a real relationship, someone i can call when I'm bored, someone i can cuddle with and watch a movie with, someone to hold hands with. Something like that.....and Dan isn't really that. ( a girl can change her mind if what she wants)

Dez and his boyfriend are doing really good, I'm happy for him, kinda envious in a way because of how lovey dovey they are. but the other day he called and told me that his bf said i love you, and he said it back. i was kinda surprised though, because 3 weeks is a pretty short time, but, he's all excited about it and i think he really means it. I've said i love you in some pretty short times too but i never meant it...

P.S. After stripping my room down to the bone, I'm feeling like i want to paint it, but i don't know what color yet, any suggestions? and after i paint it, I'll post a pic for the color that i choose in the end.

The one & only
DarkEmo