Cutting Strings

So finally I've made up my mind to try and cut Jamie out of my life entirely, he came with to much confusion, and i hated the fact that i thought about him as much as i did and alienated Dan like i did. So I'm just going to ignore the emotional/ physical part of our relationship and just try to be friends, we're still going to prom together but i made sure to emphasize that we were friends in the conversation today that we (all of my friends) were having about prom. I think he somewhat took my lack of interest as a challenge, because he kept following me around today during lunch. I didn't acknowledge it though. I've been talking to Dan a bit more and it's actually starting to feel like a relationship, I also got invited to a couples only valentines day (my birthday) party, so i was thinking about asking Dan, later of course because its waaaayyyyy to early, and if he says yea, then that would be great ^_^ if not, then whatever. Also whats new is that i cut off a lot of my hair last week, so I'm going for the short look, everyone seems to like it so far =] and i love it! it makes me feel like a new person entirely, also I'm trying to drop a little weight before prom, hopefully the tickets for that wont be to expensive, because if its over $100 I'm not going, and might just have an alternative prom instead -_-'

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. once again, thanks for all the comments you guys, and keep them up ^_^ i like to read what you think =3

Pictures worth a thousand words

so, i slept with one night stand Dan, wasn't much sleeping, but you know what i mean. It was hot, sweaty, and not what i thought it would be... it also wasn't what i thought it wouldn't be either, if that makes any sense. I feel the same as i did before and after the 'deed' and he said that he would call tomorrow, but i don't know, I'm not really that interested anymore. i know how bad that sounds. after everything I'm still trying to get with in a band Steve, i feel as though he would be a better choice, and Dan was kinda an easy lay. I didn't have an orgasm, but being the nerd that i am had looked it up weeks before and know that that's normal for girls during their first time. besides that i was selected to go on this student ambassador thing to go to France, Italy, and England, but its not certain yet because you have to go through a rigorous selection process because your suppose to be 'representing America' plus its a lot of money. I wonder whats going to happen now

oh yea, i took my driving test today and i passed so now i'm a legal driver! =]

The one & only
DarkEmo

Not so Innocent

Dan and i have started to become intimate. My cherry is still in one piece though, if that's what you thought =] . all of this seems so strange and surreal though, because I've only heard about the things that we do, I've never actually experienced them, and i realized that words never quite actually explained it right. My mom has her assumptions about what we do, but i still deny it. its still strange talking about this with her, even though we're so close, the only one i can really feel comfortable with is my best friends, and my blog =D

Today i have a meeting down by North Broward Medical center, because i signed up to volunteer there, and get some service hours. the meeting is from 6 to 8 and the place is pretty far, but my friend Tee is going to, and offered to give me a ride. i really appreciate it, but i feel as though I'm taking advantage of her, and wish i had my own car so i could drive her around and pay her back for all that gas (because gas is expensive as hell). Then today i found out, that on the cast list for the school play i got a supporting role, also known as an extra, so did all the other theater veterans. our Drama teacher/Director always picks freshman's and new students for the lead roles in new plays, because he wants to give them a chance, and see how good they really are....shouldn't he test that out on something else? not the school plays! but he's always been a strange one, and if this play burns and crumbles i wont be surprised, because that's how it always happens when he chooses an all new cast (meaning all freshmen who he's never seen their acting history or background) if they do great, then good for them, it takes great talent to get kids in our school, interested in Romeo and his Juliet. but besides that, nothing much new...or at least nothing i can remember (i have a 5 second memory)

...I cant wait till Saturday...

The one & only
DarkEmo

Sunday Bloody Sunday

I just came back from watching 'burn after reading' with my gossip gal, Tee. it was such a strange movie! i thought it was going to be sooo funny, don't get me wrong, it did have its funny moments, but there was a lot of death and drama, and mystery, which kinda over powered the comedy in the movie...but if you were planning on watching it, go. its an interesting movie to add to your 'movies I've seen' list...a very interesting movie o_o

so Dan called and said sorry about yesterday. he has family visiting and its hard to get away from them...or so he says, and asked if we could meet today to make it up to me, i said sure, after thinking about it first of course, and then headed over to the park. i have my own agenda with this guy, one that he doesn't know about. after waiting for a while, he showed up and we talked for a while, and a bit about what I've been planning for the last few days. he asked me ' are you offering yourself to me?' it was such a strange way to put it, but i said yes, my only condition is that it not be at the park. we couldn't go to either of our places because of family and in the end there was no where for us to go, so he said next weekend his family will be back home and his place will be free, so I'm meeting him again on Saturday, and that will be the day.... strange....

...there's more, but I'm going to have to break the unwritten code, and hold something back from this blog =/

The one & only
DarkEmo

Time Waster

i had to wake up extra early today, because i had to take some classes at 8 down by coconut creek (which is about half an hour away from my house) and the class was 4hrs long. after the class i got something to eat and headed home for a nap, after feeling a bit more rested i was going to call Dan and meet him at the park then head over to his place. so of course i was a bit nervous when the time came for me to call him, and when i did i told him that i wanted to meet him at the park and then go to his house. when he asked what time i told him i was heading over now, he said ok, and that he would see me soon. so i reached the park and waited while i talked to my bffl, Dez, and i waited, and waited. i called once but it kept ringing and i left a message, then i saw one of my old friends at the park and we talked for a long time. when i checked my watch, a little over an hour had passed so i thought it was time for me to leave, if he was coming he would of been there by now, because he doesn't live very far from the park. so i rode home, disappointed, after all that mental preparation he was a no show, and i didn't feel like calling constantly. that would make me look like i was desperate.
If he calls me tonight, I'll asked what the heck happened, and that conversation will determine what will happen tomorrow. maybe all these roadblocks are a sign.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Better Left Unsaid

awesome day today. lots of laughs and pictures, and once i get them all (they are on my friends cam) I'll make sure to upload some.

Dan sent me a text today 'hi love' i told tee about it and she said it was kinda freaky XD lol, i replied saying hey and whats up, and he sent back a text saying that he wanted to text me good night, it was pretty late when i got it. That doesn't sound like something a bad person does, you know? and also on my facebook, i put that i was in a relationship and my mom was like 'who are you in a relationship with?' and i thought she was joking, so i just stared at her, but i think she figured who it was eventually and right now she's not really talking to me T_T i think its strange since she allowed the whole thing...well, she didn't stop me when she knew that i kissed him that first day, but she says she doesn't trust him because of that first day kiss, but I'm in this too deep for her to actually put her foot down, so some things are better left unsaid. I also think that she thinks that I've had sex too, why she's so irritated by the whole thing. because today i took an HIV test (they we're giving them out for free and all my friends went too. I'm negative by the way) and I've been asking her about going to a gyno. i haven't gone yet because i just think the whole idea of it is strange, but i knew i would have to go eventually. I was suppose to meet Dan today, but my day of adventure was longer then i thought, so i think I'm just going to see him tomorrow and head over to his place or somewhere, I don't really want to meet at the park again.

Out of the box

{Update} *I kinda put out everything, and i mean EVERYTHING out in this blog. Nothing is ever held back.*

so everyone knows about me and Daniel, but they all don't know the whole story, that's because some of it was spread from mouth to mouth so it got jumbled and others know because i told them, but only the parts i want them to know. I've been really thinking about other options with him (i tend to over analyze things a lot) so i did some research and asked a few veterans in the subject what they thought, but none of them really knew what was going on, except for Sean. Sean is a guy who i use to have a crush on, there was even a time when i thought it was love, but he started dating one of my friends who's in a lower grade then me. but anyway, that story is long in the past, the point is i had asked him what was a good brand to buy (I'm being vague on purpose) and he told me what he thought, and before he hung up he said "good luck, and have fun!" i could tell he was smiling XD it was kinda weird asking an old crush for advise like that, but we're still close friends, sometimes i just wish things turned out differently between us, and sometimes i wonder what would of happened if Stacy never came along (Stacy is a good friend, don't get me wrong)

anyway! I'm kinda going off subject, so i was thinking about that option with Dan (my best friend nick named him, one night stand Dan) and i think I'm ready for that, now i know its kinda fast since i knew him for such a short time, but, i think that's all i really want out of the relationship.