Better Left Unsaid

awesome day today. lots of laughs and pictures, and once i get them all (they are on my friends cam) I'll make sure to upload some.

Dan sent me a text today 'hi love' i told tee about it and she said it was kinda freaky XD lol, i replied saying hey and whats up, and he sent back a text saying that he wanted to text me good night, it was pretty late when i got it. That doesn't sound like something a bad person does, you know? and also on my facebook, i put that i was in a relationship and my mom was like 'who are you in a relationship with?' and i thought she was joking, so i just stared at her, but i think she figured who it was eventually and right now she's not really talking to me T_T i think its strange since she allowed the whole thing...well, she didn't stop me when she knew that i kissed him that first day, but she says she doesn't trust him because of that first day kiss, but I'm in this too deep for her to actually put her foot down, so some things are better left unsaid. I also think that she thinks that I've had sex too, why she's so irritated by the whole thing. because today i took an HIV test (they we're giving them out for free and all my friends went too. I'm negative by the way) and I've been asking her about going to a gyno. i haven't gone yet because i just think the whole idea of it is strange, but i knew i would have to go eventually. I was suppose to meet Dan today, but my day of adventure was longer then i thought, so i think I'm just going to see him tomorrow and head over to his place or somewhere, I don't really want to meet at the park again.

Skip Day

so today is senior skip day at our school, so all my friends are skipping (most of them being seniors) and we're meeting up, so far we dont really have anything planned except just to hang out. everyone's really excited because this is their first senior skip day, seeing as we all just turned seniors. uh...nothing new with Dan, so this was just a little update.

Extremely Short

The one & only
DarkEmo

Out of the box

{Update} *I kinda put out everything, and i mean EVERYTHING out in this blog. Nothing is ever held back.*

so everyone knows about me and Daniel, but they all don't know the whole story, that's because some of it was spread from mouth to mouth so it got jumbled and others know because i told them, but only the parts i want them to know. I've been really thinking about other options with him (i tend to over analyze things a lot) so i did some research and asked a few veterans in the subject what they thought, but none of them really knew what was going on, except for Sean. Sean is a guy who i use to have a crush on, there was even a time when i thought it was love, but he started dating one of my friends who's in a lower grade then me. but anyway, that story is long in the past, the point is i had asked him what was a good brand to buy (I'm being vague on purpose) and he told me what he thought, and before he hung up he said "good luck, and have fun!" i could tell he was smiling XD it was kinda weird asking an old crush for advise like that, but we're still close friends, sometimes i just wish things turned out differently between us, and sometimes i wonder what would of happened if Stacy never came along (Stacy is a good friend, don't get me wrong)

anyway! I'm kinda going off subject, so i was thinking about that option with Dan (my best friend nick named him, one night stand Dan) and i think I'm ready for that, now i know its kinda fast since i knew him for such a short time, but, i think that's all i really want out of the relationship.

Extra Benefits

ok, so i guess i couldn't pass up the benefits...they were just to good XD lol, at least i didn't sleep with him! and at this point the word 'friends' would be inappropriate to use. I'm excited, this is my first bf and its such a strange feeling. some of my friends at school have noticed a change in me even though i never said anything, but sometimes i think they over react... wow, for a girl who's had a boring life all 17 years, a lot is happening in just a few weeks! I think the reason why i kissed him again (kissing is somewhat of an understatement) was because i wasn't really sure if i wanted to or not, but i know I'm not going to 3rd base with him because I'm definitely not ready for that, at least not for now. so i have some confidence that I'll hold stronger to that then i did with staying away from the extra benefits. XD

I feel like i haven't really talked about school lately, ever since this guy came into the picture (oh, btw, his name is Daniel if anyone forgot) so today nothing really special happened at school, except my friends noticing something about me at lunch and then after school i had to be at 3 places at once for clubs so i was running all over the place. i had to be at I.C.C. (international club counsel) H.O.S.A (Health occupations students of America) and i also had to be at Drama (the school play is coming up soon.) then once i finished all my after school stuff me and my friend Tee (my girly gossip buddy) went out to eat then to the park, just to hang out, and then i came home. that's it.

its kinda hard to get this guy out of my head...maybe because he's my first.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Up Stairs

it seems as though someone up stair.....waaay up stairs, enjoys messing with me, the same day that i wrote the blog about the guy leaving me alone, he called -_-' i answered so that i could tell him i just want to be friends and yada yada. so after a LONG conversation trying to convince him, he finally complied, then yesterday i was supposed to go to the park, but i couldn't because i was working on a project, so i made sure to text him and let him know. he asked me if i was playing with him and just leading him on...those weren't his exact words, but you get the picture, and i told him no, and that i would defiantly see him on Tuesday (today) around the same time, which is in about over an hour from now. I'm somewhat excited about meeting him. i just have to stay true to my word and not sleep with him XD lol, because we can only be friends for now, no matter how much i want the extra benefits.

P.S.
wow! this is like my shortest blog ever! ^_^

The one & only
DarkEmo

Darkest Fears

a lot of things are going on. the thing with the guy i kissed is over. i ended it, and when i think back to as why i never know the true answer, i just keep making excuses. but the truth is I'm scared. I'm scared of being loved, because no one has ever loved me before. he wasn't crazy or a stalker, he just moved kinda fast... i guess i should fill you in on what happened.

The next day after the kiss Daniel called me, i was really nervous because to be honest i never thought he would call. he asked my if he could come over and i defiantly said no, because if he kissed that fast, then i knew what he had in mind if he came over, so we where talking and he said he missed me, and liked our kiss, and blah, blah, blah. and wanted me to meet him, but i told him i couldn't, because i had work to do (which was true) and then at the end he asked if i was a virgin and when he see me again. so the end was kinda surprising and i concluded that he was up to no good (meaning he wanted sex!) so i decided not to go to the park on Friday. when i never showed he kept calling and calling but i never answered because i didn't know what i was going to say. the only thing i hoped was that he wasn't sitting at the park waiting for me =[ he left two messages out of about 20 calls, one asked if i was coming to the park or not, and the other left his number and told me to call, but it was kinda late so i didn't.
Now, on Saturday, i tried to call to explain and get this over with, but it was hard for me to decipher the number that he left on my voicemail so i couldn't call, and he never called me on that day.... i think he got the hint that i was ignoring him, and now its Sunday morning.

What an experience... -_-'

First Kiss

I had my first kiss today....and it wasn't what I expected, not to mention, I wasn't expecting it. This is how it happened. Normally I go to ride my bike around the park three times a week (trying to get slim for homecoming and prom) and today I saw this cute guy, but I didn't really pay any attention to him because I wasn't there to pick up guys, so I kept riding, then going around again I saw him and we made eye contact, then the third time I saw him (this is a round track so we're going in circles) he called me over and I was like, 'hey, why not' you know? so I went over and we started talking (his name is Daniel and he's Spanish) he asked for my number but I wasn't sure so I just said I'll see you around and started riding again, later I saw him again riding and I had finally decided to give him my number, so I went over to him and he asked for a hug so I gave him one and then my number. after that he asked for a hug again and when I leaned in to give him one he totally busted in there (with a kiss) tongue and all! I was like a deer in head lights and didn't know what to do [this kinda stuff never happens to me] once I regained my senses, which was unfortunately a bit longer then I liked, I stepped back. He smiled and asked when he would see me again and I said sometime this week (which i shouldn't of said)... but i don't know, this was moving WAY to fast for me, especially for a girl whose never moved at all =/ . The kiss wasn't what I expected either, it was too sudden. Not anything like how I imagined my first kiss to be. To be honest I didn't know what was going on until his tongue was in my mouth >_<. If I do see him again (because even now I'm not sure) I'll have to draw some lines and say what can and cant be done, if he doesn't like that, then it wasn't ment to be... I feel really bad for letting it be that easy though =[ I wish I could have a second chance before any of this ever happened, I could either of not go out that day, or stepped back and set boundaries way before the face suck came on.

It feels good getting that off my chest

.....this is going to be one strange senior year, I can feel it