Big Drama! [UPDATE]

so apparently my blog has been causing some drama. i guess that's what happens when you speak your mind and everyone can read it, and people also have had some misconceptions on what some things mean, but oh well. Nothing much new, I've been meeting Dan on a regular basis now, he called me this afternoon, but it got cut short (the convo) because something happened and that he would call back, i don't really mind, it's weird actually having a normal conversation with him. I'm starting to run low on condoms and i wont be able to get birth control for another month (till January) so I'm trying to cut down on the sex, i know it would be easier to ask him to get them, but I've got a favorite kind, and they're kinda pricey, so i just get them myself, and if he knows that's why we have to cut down, i think he'll be ok with that, because i know he doesn't want to get someone pregnant, especially someone under age, although i wont be for long =] . Another thing is that my mom knows I'm having sex, and she's trying to figure out who it is but i wont tell her. She knows Dan, and has even met him once, but she doesn't like him, so i know she'll flip if she ever found out that I've been sleeping with him. It's really hard lying to her sometimes, but i know its better then the alternative if i do tell her.
And finally for the last bit of drama, my best friend is having boyfriend problems, but I'm not a liberty to say, just in case his boyfriend reads it XD get you all hyped up, just to put you back down! but that's all i can remember for now, i haven't written a blog in a while, so i cant remember everything that's happened.

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. I almost forgot! Today is my sisters birthday, she's 1!!!!

P.P.S. Dan just drunk dialed me XD lol, he called and sounded so wasted, it was weird. he wanted to come over, but i told him no because i wasn't home alone. It sucks though, cuz drunk sex is always the best sex....i cant wait to live on my own *wink wink*

Pass Time

so I'm in school now (Anatomy & Physiology class) so i thought I'd do a short blog. I'm suppose to go over to Dan's place today, but i think I'll just skip it, i;m not really in the mood for all that, plus i'm really close to beating god of war which my friend let me borrow, so i want to get some serious gameing time on XD lol, thats not the only reason why i'm not going over though. My really close friend (so close i call her family) is coming up from bahama's to spend time over the holiday with me. She somewhat knows about what is happening but not the whole story so it'll be someone else for me to talk to, i know that i'm not going to be seeing anyone that week because it'll just be our time to hang out and think about everything. I'm still confused on some of my feelings right now, i guess i'm just really craving a real relationship with someone instead of what i do have with Jamie and Danel.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Thats it?!

So i just got back from Dan's house and decided to make a blog....after showering, checking my myspace, my e-mail and more, so really i came back about half an hour ago XD lol! Dan and I meet up now about two or three times a week now, and he calls practically every day. He's a good distraction, instead of obsessing about what 'could be' with someone else, i just get agitated at how fast Dan is (in area's that he shouldn't be) when we first started he would last maybe about 10 to 15 minutes, which was fine with me, but today... as soon as i got there he was already done! not really, it was more like 5 minutes later, and i was so disappointed because i was just starting to get excited -_-' and when he tried again he couldn't get it up again, but he said he's call and wanted to see me again tomorrow, but i said Thursday, i don't want to go over EVERY day of the week!

one thing that i noticed today too was that it doesn't hurt as much as it did at first. thank god because it hurt like a fucker that very first time! and there's the whole Jamie thing.... I've stopped thinking about him as much as i use to and the feelings has gone down, because yesterday at school he kinda.....really looked like an idiot, but i don't want to judge him based on that, but it did change some things...but then again you don't have to be smart to do what i want him to do =]
and I'm also seeing couples all over the place and it kinda makes me jealous because i don't want just emotionless sex...i want a relationship, a real one.....

The one & only
DarkEmo

Sex sex and more sex

It's been a long time since I've made a blog, mostly because i didn't want a certain someone to read it....but why make a blog if no one can read it? any way, a lot has happened since my last blog. I wanted to become friends with benefits with one of my friends Jamie and we talked about it and he said sure. i was so happy ^_^ then a few weeks later we were both at a party and i got really drunk and high.....and we slept together that night. it was his first time and my first was with Dan, so i didn't have that pressure on me. it didn't last very long but it was good, less rough (Dan was rough). and then the next time we saw each other was kinda awkward. we talked about it and i asked if what happened that night was a one time thing, and he said "i don't know, maybe" and we were still close friends, some days even closer, but we haven't had sex again. it was driving me crazy because i wanted too, but i didn't know how he felt....or i didn't want to know because i was afraid of what i might hear. Dan's been calling again for the past week and now I'm using him to keep my mind off of Jamie, i think the reason why he's affecting me so much is because we were friends before. I've been going to Dan's house every now and then and we're very successful with the no strings attached relationship and i wish it could be like that with Jamie, a fuck with no emotions. My best friend is calling me a sex addict though because I've just lost my virginity and I've had more sex then him who lost it before me. i don't think I'm an addict because I'm not tossing it at everyone, but i do love a persons touch better and my hormones are at a high, this is just one way to calm them down =] one very fun way. I'm running low on condoms though, so I've got to get some more, Dan's always going through more than one, and I've got to start talking birth control just to be on the safe side. My mom found out that i slept with Jamie, but she thinks he was my first and that it was the only time I've had sex.... but that's far from the truth.

The Fuckin Apocalypse

This is battle of the motha fuckin sexes! when i tell you I've never been so fucking pissed in my entire life by one person before! OH MY GOD! i cant believe this whore is going to try and mess with my man, and then pretend that she doesn't like him and that she's helping me, when I'm around! first of all, she didn't even like him until i mentioned that i wanted to get into his pants!!! that conniving bitch >=o i just want to drop kick her in the face with angry music blasting in the background and a ring of fire surrounding us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nothing can even come close to how pissed i am right now! so pissed that I'm not even filling you in on what happened before! i hate this girl more then i hate John McCain! It. Is. On.

Strange Dream Strange Emotions

I haven't made a blog lately, even though soooo much has been going on in my mind. I'm still with Dan, and i haven't talked Steve in a few days though, i was going to message him today on myspace, but as far as the whole dating thing, that's kinda out of my head right now. My emotions have kinda been out of whack lately and I'm going through a lot of conflict in my head, not to mention I've been having strange dreams every night, not strange scary, but strange in a sexual way. Over the weekend i had the strongest urge to just rip down every poster in my room....and i did. my room now looks, bare and white, like i just moved in, and I've started sorting through my stuff, tossing stuff out and packing others in boxes. I'm also going through mood swings, and others around me are really starting to notice. one of my friends said its because I'm pregnant...but i know that's not it, and don't ask me how. I think whats really happening is I'm realizing that high school is almost over for me, and there's so many things i still wanted to do before going off to university, and all the stress of paying for applications and SAT/ACT's and sending transcripts and applying for scholarships & grants etc etc is causing me to have an early "mid life" crisis. I think all of this put together is causing all this extra stress on me. I want to break up with Dan though, its been a little over two months, but i want a real relationship, someone i can call when I'm bored, someone i can cuddle with and watch a movie with, someone to hold hands with. Something like that.....and Dan isn't really that. ( a girl can change her mind if what she wants)

Dez and his boyfriend are doing really good, I'm happy for him, kinda envious in a way because of how lovey dovey they are. but the other day he called and told me that his bf said i love you, and he said it back. i was kinda surprised though, because 3 weeks is a pretty short time, but, he's all excited about it and i think he really means it. I've said i love you in some pretty short times too but i never meant it...

P.S. After stripping my room down to the bone, I'm feeling like i want to paint it, but i don't know what color yet, any suggestions? and after i paint it, I'll post a pic for the color that i choose in the end.

The one & only
DarkEmo

It all started with a kiss

The title is kinda my opening line, because that IS how everything started out with one night stand Dan. the first day i met him he kissed me, my first kiss and then a chain of events happened after which led to the sex. all within the time span of 2 months. so I've had both of my first times with this one man. I've had time to clear my head and actually think about everything, its still somewhat embarrassing, but it WAS my first time. I'm a bit more relaxed by the whole thought and its not as mortifying as it originally was (my best friend calls this the 'first kiss' affect) because when i had my first kiss, i was freaked out, but after a day or two i found myself actually dreaming about it. I think i have changed a bit. i cant really explain, but I'm a bit more.... Its kinda like if you've been planning to go to Disney your whole life, but when you do get there, afterwords all you can say is 'that's it?' It wasn't bad, its just that it wasn't as great as everyone hyped it up to be. so the feeling you get at that moment, is how i feel now. Dan didn't call today, but, last night i told him not to call unless he found a better place for us.....the place last night wasn't that great.... I guess I'm kinda using him for his body until i find something new, kinda slutty, but it's true. I'm still talking to in a band Steve, I'm planing on maybe asking him to the movies next week or something, just to hang out in person instead of just talking online. hopefully this works out and i can finally have something normal in my life.

The one & only
DarkEmo