Spontaneous

so its been a really long week... and its only Tuesday. the new year is starting in just a few days and Dan called me today, I'm meeting him on Thursday, because I'm kinda busy the tomorrow, after i got off the phone with him though i realized what made me so disconnected from him and so interested in Jamie. Me and Dan always plan out when we "meet up" and then Jamie was spontaneous. i didn't go to that party thinking that i was going to sleep with him that day, but every time i see Dan i know that we're going to have sex. I like to be surprised.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Cross Roads

so its after the holidays, thanks for the few comments that were left btw, and LV, I've tried that and the list is pretty short...on both sides XD lol. as for whats been up for the last few days, a few family members have been staying over so i haven't had my computer in a wile (hence the lack of blogs) on Christmas Dan called to wish my happy holiday's, i wasn't really thinking he would but it was a good thought. I was at a party at the time and he could hear the music, he asked if i could come over after the party but i told him i couldn't because i was with family, and then that i wouldn't be free until Sunday, so he asked me to see him next week, kinda made me promise that i would. when i had finally made my mind to end things with Jamie and work my way off of Dan eventually, Jamie called me today, on my house number when i never gave it to him, it was weird because i wasn't expecting it (no one knows my house number except my best friend, everyone else calls my cell) and he wanted to know when prom was and how much it was because he got a free limo that we could use. guess i cant ditch him yet, especially if he's going to prom with me! =]

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. Thanks for the comments guys ^_^ i really enjoyed them

Prostitues and Stars

Yesterday my neighbor offered me $200 to sleep with him. I told him no. the only time I've ever seen this guy was when i get home or when i go check the mail. He gives me the creeps because he's always there, watching. He told me this sob story once that his wife cant have kids and he really wants some, even though no one in the neighborhood has ever seen his wife. I'm mad that he though I'd say yes to that....do i look like a whore?

I realize that i barley talk about school. I'm mean, this is a blog about an average teen, who happens to go to school. but that's not what people want to read, they want to read about sex and lies, wishing that they could be stars, when the stars are wishing they could be on-lookers. I'm not saying that I'm a star, but sometimes i do wish that this could go back to normal, sometimes i wonder what everything would be like if i never went to that park all those months ago. I'd never been kissed, i would still be a virgin, I'd still see Jamie as that underclassmen who just happened to be my friend. I never dreamed of being with him, let alone sleeping with him. before all of this he was my dorky friend, and i was just a dorky girl. Dan's kiss seemed to have changed my whole life...

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. Btw, i want you guys to start leaving comments, i really would like to know what you think, and you don't have to be a member of blogger to leave a comment, which is awesome =]

Waterfalls

so everything in my love life....or lack of one has been the same. i use the phrase 'lack of' because no one is really loving anyone in my little triangle of confusion. I haven't taken any one's advice on what to do with the guys and have just let everything stay the same and float along the current. Hopefully that current doesn't take me towards a raging waterfall. I'm almost done with school and i still don't know what i want to do, with either of them, or if i even have a future with them, meaning will i officially start dating, not marry and have 10 kids. Jamie and I myspace a lot more then before all of this started and Dan still calls every now and then. Some days i say i want to break it off with him because it's too much of a hassle, and then other days i say to myself 'wtf?! this is some [let me choose my words wisely]...interesting sex that ur giving up!' that's not really what i say, but in the end i do talk myself out of giving up on him, and then i go see him. and then with Jamie, it doesn't seem that platonic most days and then others its like he does a complete 360 and its as though............well you know where I'm heading with this. I just wish life was much simpler, like back when you were a kid and all you had to worry about was cooties and making good grades. Life of an average teenager is hard T_T

The one & only
DarkEmo

Secret Sexy Santa

So once again, here is another blog. Tomorrow is Secret Santa for our drama club, and i pulled Jamie's name, and apparently i had his name last year too (he reminded me a few days ago that i did) and i was thinking, wow, what a coincidence, but any way, i got him two really nice shirts. I hope he likes them, because that's all i could get at last minute, and i just happened to be at the store at the time too XD lol, besides that i've been discussing my options with my round table, people who i talk to about my sextual life....in detail. And some of them think i should dump Dan and go for Jamie, others thinks i should forget about Jamie and go for Dan, and then the rest say i should just forget about them both. It's easier for me to forget about Dan after a couple of days, but not Jamie, because i see him EVERYDAY, but i was considering doing just that (forgetting them both) i'm just waiting for the right time to tell Dan, that i think we should stop what we're doing and start seeing other people. I never really gave him a chance though, now that i think about it. with him, its always been about sex, and i've never given him the time of day to actually learn more about him and get to know his personality....maybe i should.....but that requiers lots of work. I do want to sleep with Jamie again because he's so convenently there, and he's my same age, so that helps too, but who knows where thats going. Today during lunch we were all talking about sex, i came in a bit late though because i was helping out a teacher, and they asked for people to raise there hand if the weren't a virgin, and of course jamie and i raised our hands, along with some others, and when the next question was how many partners have you had, he put up one finger and i put up two. My friend said (later of course) that when Jamie saw my hand he looked like 'wtf?" or whatever....i guess he thought he was my only one. its good to see a reaction out of him >=3 I'm trying to get him jealous. lol, I'm playing with this boys head....both of them XD

The one & only
DarkEmo

Big Drama! [UPDATE]

so apparently my blog has been causing some drama. i guess that's what happens when you speak your mind and everyone can read it, and people also have had some misconceptions on what some things mean, but oh well. Nothing much new, I've been meeting Dan on a regular basis now, he called me this afternoon, but it got cut short (the convo) because something happened and that he would call back, i don't really mind, it's weird actually having a normal conversation with him. I'm starting to run low on condoms and i wont be able to get birth control for another month (till January) so I'm trying to cut down on the sex, i know it would be easier to ask him to get them, but I've got a favorite kind, and they're kinda pricey, so i just get them myself, and if he knows that's why we have to cut down, i think he'll be ok with that, because i know he doesn't want to get someone pregnant, especially someone under age, although i wont be for long =] . Another thing is that my mom knows I'm having sex, and she's trying to figure out who it is but i wont tell her. She knows Dan, and has even met him once, but she doesn't like him, so i know she'll flip if she ever found out that I've been sleeping with him. It's really hard lying to her sometimes, but i know its better then the alternative if i do tell her.
And finally for the last bit of drama, my best friend is having boyfriend problems, but I'm not a liberty to say, just in case his boyfriend reads it XD get you all hyped up, just to put you back down! but that's all i can remember for now, i haven't written a blog in a while, so i cant remember everything that's happened.

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. I almost forgot! Today is my sisters birthday, she's 1!!!!

P.P.S. Dan just drunk dialed me XD lol, he called and sounded so wasted, it was weird. he wanted to come over, but i told him no because i wasn't home alone. It sucks though, cuz drunk sex is always the best sex....i cant wait to live on my own *wink wink*

Pass Time

so I'm in school now (Anatomy & Physiology class) so i thought I'd do a short blog. I'm suppose to go over to Dan's place today, but i think I'll just skip it, i;m not really in the mood for all that, plus i'm really close to beating god of war which my friend let me borrow, so i want to get some serious gameing time on XD lol, thats not the only reason why i'm not going over though. My really close friend (so close i call her family) is coming up from bahama's to spend time over the holiday with me. She somewhat knows about what is happening but not the whole story so it'll be someone else for me to talk to, i know that i'm not going to be seeing anyone that week because it'll just be our time to hang out and think about everything. I'm still confused on some of my feelings right now, i guess i'm just really craving a real relationship with someone instead of what i do have with Jamie and Danel.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Thats it?!

So i just got back from Dan's house and decided to make a blog....after showering, checking my myspace, my e-mail and more, so really i came back about half an hour ago XD lol! Dan and I meet up now about two or three times a week now, and he calls practically every day. He's a good distraction, instead of obsessing about what 'could be' with someone else, i just get agitated at how fast Dan is (in area's that he shouldn't be) when we first started he would last maybe about 10 to 15 minutes, which was fine with me, but today... as soon as i got there he was already done! not really, it was more like 5 minutes later, and i was so disappointed because i was just starting to get excited -_-' and when he tried again he couldn't get it up again, but he said he's call and wanted to see me again tomorrow, but i said Thursday, i don't want to go over EVERY day of the week!

one thing that i noticed today too was that it doesn't hurt as much as it did at first. thank god because it hurt like a fucker that very first time! and there's the whole Jamie thing.... I've stopped thinking about him as much as i use to and the feelings has gone down, because yesterday at school he kinda.....really looked like an idiot, but i don't want to judge him based on that, but it did change some things...but then again you don't have to be smart to do what i want him to do =]
and I'm also seeing couples all over the place and it kinda makes me jealous because i don't want just emotionless sex...i want a relationship, a real one.....

The one & only
DarkEmo

Sex sex and more sex

It's been a long time since I've made a blog, mostly because i didn't want a certain someone to read it....but why make a blog if no one can read it? any way, a lot has happened since my last blog. I wanted to become friends with benefits with one of my friends Jamie and we talked about it and he said sure. i was so happy ^_^ then a few weeks later we were both at a party and i got really drunk and high.....and we slept together that night. it was his first time and my first was with Dan, so i didn't have that pressure on me. it didn't last very long but it was good, less rough (Dan was rough). and then the next time we saw each other was kinda awkward. we talked about it and i asked if what happened that night was a one time thing, and he said "i don't know, maybe" and we were still close friends, some days even closer, but we haven't had sex again. it was driving me crazy because i wanted too, but i didn't know how he felt....or i didn't want to know because i was afraid of what i might hear. Dan's been calling again for the past week and now I'm using him to keep my mind off of Jamie, i think the reason why he's affecting me so much is because we were friends before. I've been going to Dan's house every now and then and we're very successful with the no strings attached relationship and i wish it could be like that with Jamie, a fuck with no emotions. My best friend is calling me a sex addict though because I've just lost my virginity and I've had more sex then him who lost it before me. i don't think I'm an addict because I'm not tossing it at everyone, but i do love a persons touch better and my hormones are at a high, this is just one way to calm them down =] one very fun way. I'm running low on condoms though, so I've got to get some more, Dan's always going through more than one, and I've got to start talking birth control just to be on the safe side. My mom found out that i slept with Jamie, but she thinks he was my first and that it was the only time I've had sex.... but that's far from the truth.

The Fuckin Apocalypse

This is battle of the motha fuckin sexes! when i tell you I've never been so fucking pissed in my entire life by one person before! OH MY GOD! i cant believe this whore is going to try and mess with my man, and then pretend that she doesn't like him and that she's helping me, when I'm around! first of all, she didn't even like him until i mentioned that i wanted to get into his pants!!! that conniving bitch >=o i just want to drop kick her in the face with angry music blasting in the background and a ring of fire surrounding us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nothing can even come close to how pissed i am right now! so pissed that I'm not even filling you in on what happened before! i hate this girl more then i hate John McCain! It. Is. On.

Strange Dream Strange Emotions

I haven't made a blog lately, even though soooo much has been going on in my mind. I'm still with Dan, and i haven't talked Steve in a few days though, i was going to message him today on myspace, but as far as the whole dating thing, that's kinda out of my head right now. My emotions have kinda been out of whack lately and I'm going through a lot of conflict in my head, not to mention I've been having strange dreams every night, not strange scary, but strange in a sexual way. Over the weekend i had the strongest urge to just rip down every poster in my room....and i did. my room now looks, bare and white, like i just moved in, and I've started sorting through my stuff, tossing stuff out and packing others in boxes. I'm also going through mood swings, and others around me are really starting to notice. one of my friends said its because I'm pregnant...but i know that's not it, and don't ask me how. I think whats really happening is I'm realizing that high school is almost over for me, and there's so many things i still wanted to do before going off to university, and all the stress of paying for applications and SAT/ACT's and sending transcripts and applying for scholarships & grants etc etc is causing me to have an early "mid life" crisis. I think all of this put together is causing all this extra stress on me. I want to break up with Dan though, its been a little over two months, but i want a real relationship, someone i can call when I'm bored, someone i can cuddle with and watch a movie with, someone to hold hands with. Something like that.....and Dan isn't really that. ( a girl can change her mind if what she wants)

Dez and his boyfriend are doing really good, I'm happy for him, kinda envious in a way because of how lovey dovey they are. but the other day he called and told me that his bf said i love you, and he said it back. i was kinda surprised though, because 3 weeks is a pretty short time, but, he's all excited about it and i think he really means it. I've said i love you in some pretty short times too but i never meant it...

P.S. After stripping my room down to the bone, I'm feeling like i want to paint it, but i don't know what color yet, any suggestions? and after i paint it, I'll post a pic for the color that i choose in the end.

The one & only
DarkEmo

It all started with a kiss

The title is kinda my opening line, because that IS how everything started out with one night stand Dan. the first day i met him he kissed me, my first kiss and then a chain of events happened after which led to the sex. all within the time span of 2 months. so I've had both of my first times with this one man. I've had time to clear my head and actually think about everything, its still somewhat embarrassing, but it WAS my first time. I'm a bit more relaxed by the whole thought and its not as mortifying as it originally was (my best friend calls this the 'first kiss' affect) because when i had my first kiss, i was freaked out, but after a day or two i found myself actually dreaming about it. I think i have changed a bit. i cant really explain, but I'm a bit more.... Its kinda like if you've been planning to go to Disney your whole life, but when you do get there, afterwords all you can say is 'that's it?' It wasn't bad, its just that it wasn't as great as everyone hyped it up to be. so the feeling you get at that moment, is how i feel now. Dan didn't call today, but, last night i told him not to call unless he found a better place for us.....the place last night wasn't that great.... I guess I'm kinda using him for his body until i find something new, kinda slutty, but it's true. I'm still talking to in a band Steve, I'm planing on maybe asking him to the movies next week or something, just to hang out in person instead of just talking online. hopefully this works out and i can finally have something normal in my life.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Is it? or Isn't it?

I told my best friend Dez that i had sex with one night stand Dan because i don't.....i don't keep much secrets from him, but I'm a bit irritated at the fact that now that i told him, that's all he talks about, that and more sex, even though i told him i didn't want to talk about it (its an experience i don't really want to relive) but he says he's happy that there is finally someone he can talk to about this kinda stuff, but is it really ok when the other person is really uncomfortable with it? I don't want to talk about it because sex, and most of my personal life isn't really something i like to tell my friends about in great detail, and this is my first time, I don't want to share it like a huge spectacle, even though i wrote it in a blog and many people can read it, its people i don't know, and i would never have to look into their faces and see their judgment, its my way of telling someone and still being free of the ridicule.....I just hope he understands how much i really don't want to talk about it, and for him to pretend like it never happened in the first place.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Pictures worth a thousand words

so, i slept with one night stand Dan, wasn't much sleeping, but you know what i mean. It was hot, sweaty, and not what i thought it would be... it also wasn't what i thought it wouldn't be either, if that makes any sense. I feel the same as i did before and after the 'deed' and he said that he would call tomorrow, but i don't know, I'm not really that interested anymore. i know how bad that sounds. after everything I'm still trying to get with in a band Steve, i feel as though he would be a better choice, and Dan was kinda an easy lay. I didn't have an orgasm, but being the nerd that i am had looked it up weeks before and know that that's normal for girls during their first time. besides that i was selected to go on this student ambassador thing to go to France, Italy, and England, but its not certain yet because you have to go through a rigorous selection process because your suppose to be 'representing America' plus its a lot of money. I wonder whats going to happen now

oh yea, i took my driving test today and i passed so now i'm a legal driver! =]

The one & only
DarkEmo

Long Story Short

one night stand Dan isn't as out of the picture as i thought.....I'll explain more tomorrow, depending on what happens, lets just say i may need an alibi

Rock Star

I haven't made a blog in a while, i guess i was waiting for something to write about, but some people started to complain (they know who they are!) so I'm making one today on my day off. I haven't heard anything from Dan since Wednesday (of last week) so i want to say its over, but you know how he has a tendency to call right when i think it is. As for In a band Steve, we still talk a lot, and we were suppose to go to the movies this Friday, but he has a meeting with an entertainment director or whatever and has to do a recording with his band. it sucks that he cant come, but I'm happy that his band is getting more popular so there's pros and cons to the situation. Maybe next time we can hang out or one day i can go to one of his recording sessions ^_^ lol......I hope he doesn't think I'm using him because he's famous XD

as for school right now, I've been kept kinda busy with college applications and keeping my grades up. the grades part is easy, but the college applications process is expensive =[

The one & only
DarkEmo

Off Topic

Sometimes i write....a lot, and i've made poems, short stories, and recently i've just finished my very first book. i was really excited and asked my friends to read it (it took some time, because one of them is a VERY slow reader) lol, but i finally got it done. I'm telling you all this because, last night i finally got my book published! but for now it can only be ordered online, but hey, thats a start =] I'm trying to tell everyone about it so i can make some sales XD lol, here's the summary on the back:

This is Amy's last chance to visit her family before finishing her internship in Manhattan, but her holiday break unfortunately turns into a struggle to keep things, or a certain someone, from tearing her and someone she cares about apart.


its only $8.05, and if you want it just click this link




The one & only
DarkEmo

Overworked

I feel so overworked and stressed out lately, even though I've just been telling everyone that school is fine, its kinda hectic. For example, today alone my schedule in school was, study for economic test, get new student I.D. card, head over to guidance councilor for college meeting (only to find out she wasn't there) see the teacher supervisor for the Cougar Pals club, head over and tutor underclassmen in math for peer counseling, take the HOSA chapter 2 test, head over to Anatomy class and finish movie project, only to get another project due on Friday, and FINALLY go to a HOSA meeting after school. -_-' then for homework i have to read chapter 10 and 11 plus finish a packet for the test i have in Econimic's class tomorrow, and i had to study for the Anatomy test i have to take tomorrow as well...its just a lot of stuff to do in just one day and still have time to do anything else. I'm just hoping the week goes by fast so i can get to the weekend....but then again i have classes on Saturdays (only 2 hours) and on Sundays my mom drags me to church most times. it feels like i have no time for myself during the week, that there is always something to do!

Besides that Tee is trying to get me to go on a double date with her Saturday night, because a guy asked her out and she wants to go, but not by herself....-_-' she's always like this. she told me to ask Dan if he wants to come, but i don't know....he doesn't really seem like the movie type, but i promised her that i would still call him tomorrow and ask him anyway, and if he doesn't answer/says no, there's always Steve, if he's out too, then Tee is s.o.o.l. shit out of luck.

The one & only
DarkEmo

One night stand Dan, In a Band Steve

So the thing with Dan and me are same as always, its been about a month since this has all started and sometimes it still seems so surreal, but to be honest, it has given me loads of confidence in certain area's. a few days ago i met this other guy on myspace, Steve, he added me, and what started out as just a 'hi' turned into a 12hr convo about nothing XD lol, he seems like a really cool guy, and i love talking to him, he always makes me laugh ^_^ and we have a lot of things in common. for example, he is about the only person i know that likes the movie 'Lost in Translation' and so do i =] along with other things, he's in a band and lives near by (which is awesome!) and is 20, he'll be 21 in November, hopefully the age difference wont be a problem =D lol! at first i kinda felt strange because of Dan, but hey....no one said we were exclusive!

The one & only
DarkEmo

It's Complicated

Tuesday was the school's blood drive and i was on the committee so it was very hectic trying to get everytihng organzied and to get everyone onto the blood mobiles. i was excited for days about donating blood myself, but then my 'time of the month' came on the day of! i was sooo mad >=o but i still went to try to see if my iron was good and it was, so i got to donate in the end =]. then on Wednesday i went back to school. it felt like i missed weeks of school instead of just two days, and everyone at school was acting like that too.

Today Dan called. i thought this whole thing was over! i was at the mall with Tee and Lindalee and i see his number on my caller id! XD after i answered he asked me what was up and how come i haven't called, i was like me?! what happened to you? this was some pretty bad timing for him to call, really bad. he asked if he could meet me again, but i told him that it was a bad time, he even started talking dirty XD lol and then he told me he was horny! ha ha! guys are so subtle, not. after convincing him that now was a bad time and that i wasn't even home at the time. the earliest i would be ready to 'see' him would be on Sunday. This is so strange, and i realizes every time i think its over between us, he calls again. it seems like he just wants casual sex.... i don't really know what to think about all of this, and right now its not even in my mind. I'm just worried about my Anatomy test tomorrow -_-'

The one & only
DarkEmo

Learn from the past, Live in the present, Prepare for the future

I woke up this morning late, hot, and pissed. it was one of those nights -_-' not to mention, since I'm sick, it was a pretty rough sleep. i obviously stayed home today, I'm going over to the doctor to get that x-ray for this stupid TB thing. i was planning on heading over to my bffl house, since i haven't seen him in a few days. but if i leave now there's no way i can get back before 1, unless i do a drive by. so I'm just here taking care of my baby sister today, and doing a few things that i never got a chance to do over the weekend.

I think the thing with me and Dan is finally over, my three weeks of fun is finally at an end. He still hasn't called and i texted him on Saturday, i have enough guy friends to know what that means, so the only thing i can do for now, is forget it. sometimes i say its good that my first experience was so wild and out there, because next time, I'll know what not to do. =]

Confused

wow, so much has happened in the last few days. my TB test came back positive so on Monday i have to get a chest x-ray, another missed day of school, but everything is fine, it came back positive because i was born in Jamaica and the vaccinations they do there is different from the one's in America, so i have a little of it in me, just to fight off the major disease, but just to be on the safe side the doctors are still making me get a chest x-ray before i can start working at the hospital. besides that I've caught a cold, just my luck, on Friday and I still have a sore throat =[ . plus my best friend got suspended from school! so i haven't seen him for a while either.

I haven't heard anything from Dan....well actually, he called on Wednesday, but during school, so i couldn't answer, and i didn't call back, i thought if it was important, he would call me again later, but he hasn't, so i was thinking about calling today, we still haven't done the 'deed' and its looking less and less likely of that happening, but i guess its better this way. the funny thing is that, everyone thinks he's the player but yet I'm the one pushing him in that direction. i think we should just start concentrating on what exactly we are, and let everything flow. When its supposed to happen, it will happen, you cant force fate.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Secret Life

So some of my friends have actually been reading my blog, constantly, and of course they want to talk about it. but i always feel strange sometimes, because at school, I've always been the innocent inexperienced, smart (people think I'm smart, but I'm not) nerd and I've always hated that role, plus my guy friends always look at me as 'one of the guys' and I've never liked that either, but somethings never change no matter what you do. So with Dan its different, he doesn't know much about me, and i don't know much about him. Everyone needs to restart every once in a while, and this is my secret life, somewhere i can be someone else, its still me, just the 'me' my friends never had a chance to see.

I have to go take some shots this morning, because the hospital I'm volunteering at doesn't want anyone to catch anything so we're all getting our vaccination shots today. I'm going with my friend Tee (she's a volunteer too) and then head back to school, a little late. she texted me if i wanted to go out to breakfast with her after we leave the hospital, =[ but i don't really have any money for that right now. i never got to text her back because i had fallen asleep really early last night, i had a busy day.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Not so Innocent

Dan and i have started to become intimate. My cherry is still in one piece though, if that's what you thought =] . all of this seems so strange and surreal though, because I've only heard about the things that we do, I've never actually experienced them, and i realized that words never quite actually explained it right. My mom has her assumptions about what we do, but i still deny it. its still strange talking about this with her, even though we're so close, the only one i can really feel comfortable with is my best friends, and my blog =D

Today i have a meeting down by North Broward Medical center, because i signed up to volunteer there, and get some service hours. the meeting is from 6 to 8 and the place is pretty far, but my friend Tee is going to, and offered to give me a ride. i really appreciate it, but i feel as though I'm taking advantage of her, and wish i had my own car so i could drive her around and pay her back for all that gas (because gas is expensive as hell). Then today i found out, that on the cast list for the school play i got a supporting role, also known as an extra, so did all the other theater veterans. our Drama teacher/Director always picks freshman's and new students for the lead roles in new plays, because he wants to give them a chance, and see how good they really are....shouldn't he test that out on something else? not the school plays! but he's always been a strange one, and if this play burns and crumbles i wont be surprised, because that's how it always happens when he chooses an all new cast (meaning all freshmen who he's never seen their acting history or background) if they do great, then good for them, it takes great talent to get kids in our school, interested in Romeo and his Juliet. but besides that, nothing much new...or at least nothing i can remember (i have a 5 second memory)

...I cant wait till Saturday...

The one & only
DarkEmo

Sunday Bloody Sunday

I just came back from watching 'burn after reading' with my gossip gal, Tee. it was such a strange movie! i thought it was going to be sooo funny, don't get me wrong, it did have its funny moments, but there was a lot of death and drama, and mystery, which kinda over powered the comedy in the movie...but if you were planning on watching it, go. its an interesting movie to add to your 'movies I've seen' list...a very interesting movie o_o

so Dan called and said sorry about yesterday. he has family visiting and its hard to get away from them...or so he says, and asked if we could meet today to make it up to me, i said sure, after thinking about it first of course, and then headed over to the park. i have my own agenda with this guy, one that he doesn't know about. after waiting for a while, he showed up and we talked for a while, and a bit about what I've been planning for the last few days. he asked me ' are you offering yourself to me?' it was such a strange way to put it, but i said yes, my only condition is that it not be at the park. we couldn't go to either of our places because of family and in the end there was no where for us to go, so he said next weekend his family will be back home and his place will be free, so I'm meeting him again on Saturday, and that will be the day.... strange....

...there's more, but I'm going to have to break the unwritten code, and hold something back from this blog =/

The one & only
DarkEmo

Time Waster

i had to wake up extra early today, because i had to take some classes at 8 down by coconut creek (which is about half an hour away from my house) and the class was 4hrs long. after the class i got something to eat and headed home for a nap, after feeling a bit more rested i was going to call Dan and meet him at the park then head over to his place. so of course i was a bit nervous when the time came for me to call him, and when i did i told him that i wanted to meet him at the park and then go to his house. when he asked what time i told him i was heading over now, he said ok, and that he would see me soon. so i reached the park and waited while i talked to my bffl, Dez, and i waited, and waited. i called once but it kept ringing and i left a message, then i saw one of my old friends at the park and we talked for a long time. when i checked my watch, a little over an hour had passed so i thought it was time for me to leave, if he was coming he would of been there by now, because he doesn't live very far from the park. so i rode home, disappointed, after all that mental preparation he was a no show, and i didn't feel like calling constantly. that would make me look like i was desperate.
If he calls me tonight, I'll asked what the heck happened, and that conversation will determine what will happen tomorrow. maybe all these roadblocks are a sign.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Better Left Unsaid

awesome day today. lots of laughs and pictures, and once i get them all (they are on my friends cam) I'll make sure to upload some.

Dan sent me a text today 'hi love' i told tee about it and she said it was kinda freaky XD lol, i replied saying hey and whats up, and he sent back a text saying that he wanted to text me good night, it was pretty late when i got it. That doesn't sound like something a bad person does, you know? and also on my facebook, i put that i was in a relationship and my mom was like 'who are you in a relationship with?' and i thought she was joking, so i just stared at her, but i think she figured who it was eventually and right now she's not really talking to me T_T i think its strange since she allowed the whole thing...well, she didn't stop me when she knew that i kissed him that first day, but she says she doesn't trust him because of that first day kiss, but I'm in this too deep for her to actually put her foot down, so some things are better left unsaid. I also think that she thinks that I've had sex too, why she's so irritated by the whole thing. because today i took an HIV test (they we're giving them out for free and all my friends went too. I'm negative by the way) and I've been asking her about going to a gyno. i haven't gone yet because i just think the whole idea of it is strange, but i knew i would have to go eventually. I was suppose to meet Dan today, but my day of adventure was longer then i thought, so i think I'm just going to see him tomorrow and head over to his place or somewhere, I don't really want to meet at the park again.

Skip Day

so today is senior skip day at our school, so all my friends are skipping (most of them being seniors) and we're meeting up, so far we dont really have anything planned except just to hang out. everyone's really excited because this is their first senior skip day, seeing as we all just turned seniors. uh...nothing new with Dan, so this was just a little update.

Extremely Short

The one & only
DarkEmo

Out of the box

{Update} *I kinda put out everything, and i mean EVERYTHING out in this blog. Nothing is ever held back.*

so everyone knows about me and Daniel, but they all don't know the whole story, that's because some of it was spread from mouth to mouth so it got jumbled and others know because i told them, but only the parts i want them to know. I've been really thinking about other options with him (i tend to over analyze things a lot) so i did some research and asked a few veterans in the subject what they thought, but none of them really knew what was going on, except for Sean. Sean is a guy who i use to have a crush on, there was even a time when i thought it was love, but he started dating one of my friends who's in a lower grade then me. but anyway, that story is long in the past, the point is i had asked him what was a good brand to buy (I'm being vague on purpose) and he told me what he thought, and before he hung up he said "good luck, and have fun!" i could tell he was smiling XD it was kinda weird asking an old crush for advise like that, but we're still close friends, sometimes i just wish things turned out differently between us, and sometimes i wonder what would of happened if Stacy never came along (Stacy is a good friend, don't get me wrong)

anyway! I'm kinda going off subject, so i was thinking about that option with Dan (my best friend nick named him, one night stand Dan) and i think I'm ready for that, now i know its kinda fast since i knew him for such a short time, but, i think that's all i really want out of the relationship.

Extra Benefits

ok, so i guess i couldn't pass up the benefits...they were just to good XD lol, at least i didn't sleep with him! and at this point the word 'friends' would be inappropriate to use. I'm excited, this is my first bf and its such a strange feeling. some of my friends at school have noticed a change in me even though i never said anything, but sometimes i think they over react... wow, for a girl who's had a boring life all 17 years, a lot is happening in just a few weeks! I think the reason why i kissed him again (kissing is somewhat of an understatement) was because i wasn't really sure if i wanted to or not, but i know I'm not going to 3rd base with him because I'm definitely not ready for that, at least not for now. so i have some confidence that I'll hold stronger to that then i did with staying away from the extra benefits. XD

I feel like i haven't really talked about school lately, ever since this guy came into the picture (oh, btw, his name is Daniel if anyone forgot) so today nothing really special happened at school, except my friends noticing something about me at lunch and then after school i had to be at 3 places at once for clubs so i was running all over the place. i had to be at I.C.C. (international club counsel) H.O.S.A (Health occupations students of America) and i also had to be at Drama (the school play is coming up soon.) then once i finished all my after school stuff me and my friend Tee (my girly gossip buddy) went out to eat then to the park, just to hang out, and then i came home. that's it.

its kinda hard to get this guy out of my head...maybe because he's my first.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Up Stairs

it seems as though someone up stair.....waaay up stairs, enjoys messing with me, the same day that i wrote the blog about the guy leaving me alone, he called -_-' i answered so that i could tell him i just want to be friends and yada yada. so after a LONG conversation trying to convince him, he finally complied, then yesterday i was supposed to go to the park, but i couldn't because i was working on a project, so i made sure to text him and let him know. he asked me if i was playing with him and just leading him on...those weren't his exact words, but you get the picture, and i told him no, and that i would defiantly see him on Tuesday (today) around the same time, which is in about over an hour from now. I'm somewhat excited about meeting him. i just have to stay true to my word and not sleep with him XD lol, because we can only be friends for now, no matter how much i want the extra benefits.

P.S.
wow! this is like my shortest blog ever! ^_^

The one & only
DarkEmo

Darkest Fears

a lot of things are going on. the thing with the guy i kissed is over. i ended it, and when i think back to as why i never know the true answer, i just keep making excuses. but the truth is I'm scared. I'm scared of being loved, because no one has ever loved me before. he wasn't crazy or a stalker, he just moved kinda fast... i guess i should fill you in on what happened.

The next day after the kiss Daniel called me, i was really nervous because to be honest i never thought he would call. he asked my if he could come over and i defiantly said no, because if he kissed that fast, then i knew what he had in mind if he came over, so we where talking and he said he missed me, and liked our kiss, and blah, blah, blah. and wanted me to meet him, but i told him i couldn't, because i had work to do (which was true) and then at the end he asked if i was a virgin and when he see me again. so the end was kinda surprising and i concluded that he was up to no good (meaning he wanted sex!) so i decided not to go to the park on Friday. when i never showed he kept calling and calling but i never answered because i didn't know what i was going to say. the only thing i hoped was that he wasn't sitting at the park waiting for me =[ he left two messages out of about 20 calls, one asked if i was coming to the park or not, and the other left his number and told me to call, but it was kinda late so i didn't.
Now, on Saturday, i tried to call to explain and get this over with, but it was hard for me to decipher the number that he left on my voicemail so i couldn't call, and he never called me on that day.... i think he got the hint that i was ignoring him, and now its Sunday morning.

What an experience... -_-'

First Kiss

I had my first kiss today....and it wasn't what I expected, not to mention, I wasn't expecting it. This is how it happened. Normally I go to ride my bike around the park three times a week (trying to get slim for homecoming and prom) and today I saw this cute guy, but I didn't really pay any attention to him because I wasn't there to pick up guys, so I kept riding, then going around again I saw him and we made eye contact, then the third time I saw him (this is a round track so we're going in circles) he called me over and I was like, 'hey, why not' you know? so I went over and we started talking (his name is Daniel and he's Spanish) he asked for my number but I wasn't sure so I just said I'll see you around and started riding again, later I saw him again riding and I had finally decided to give him my number, so I went over to him and he asked for a hug so I gave him one and then my number. after that he asked for a hug again and when I leaned in to give him one he totally busted in there (with a kiss) tongue and all! I was like a deer in head lights and didn't know what to do [this kinda stuff never happens to me] once I regained my senses, which was unfortunately a bit longer then I liked, I stepped back. He smiled and asked when he would see me again and I said sometime this week (which i shouldn't of said)... but i don't know, this was moving WAY to fast for me, especially for a girl whose never moved at all =/ . The kiss wasn't what I expected either, it was too sudden. Not anything like how I imagined my first kiss to be. To be honest I didn't know what was going on until his tongue was in my mouth >_<. If I do see him again (because even now I'm not sure) I'll have to draw some lines and say what can and cant be done, if he doesn't like that, then it wasn't ment to be... I feel really bad for letting it be that easy though =[ I wish I could have a second chance before any of this ever happened, I could either of not go out that day, or stepped back and set boundaries way before the face suck came on.

It feels good getting that off my chest

.....this is going to be one strange senior year, I can feel it

First day.... Second day =]

yesterday was my first day back to school. it was suppose to be monday, but because of tropical storm Fay, schools were closed for two days. i didn't write yesterday because i didn't really have much to say.

So far the year looks promising. Except that for one of my electives (Peer Counseling). The old teacher had passed away and now we have a new lady, thats not as fun. I'm trying to change it to HOSA because I do really need that class since I'm trying to work in the medical field and all. also for this semester i have Government & Economics, Anatomy & Physiology, and Exploratory Teaching. The last one is when you just walk around the school and help teachers. I chose it because it was easy....and I never actually thought they would give me that class, because it was all the way at the bottom of my list; we have to choose 8 classes that we wanted, and 4 extra just in case the others are full, and eplor. teach. was in my 4 extra; but its fun and an easy 'A' so I guess thats all that counts now ^_^

So I'm home now, munching on a poptart when i should be doing my homework and getting ready for my Anatomy test tomorrow... T_T yes thats right, on my third day of school i have a test

The one & only
DarkEmo

Gay Fay

so no school today. none on tuesday either. i was kinda excited to be getting back to school. i ran out of stuff to do this summer and it was driving me crazy. i'm the kind of person who likes to keep busy.

So there's no school because of Tropical Storm/ Hurricane Fay, which is the gayest name for a storm ever. so to pass the time i went out on sunday to get a new game for the 360. I bought Army of Two, which is harder then i thought it would be! but its fun and worth the money, and i'm planning on getting Gears of War 2 when i can. besides that nothing new, i got someone to go to the mall with on sunday and it thats how i bought the game and got some really cool stuff from hot topic and old navy etc. blah blah

The one & only
DarkEmo

Back to the same old routine

So summer is finally over and i have to head back to school on monday, so this is my last friday of the summer. since its t!he last week all my friends are busy doing preparations of working or baby sitting, when all i have to do is shopping. so now my next job is to find someone to head over to the mall with me.

My sis came back from the doctor the other day, she had a really really bad cold, she's always getting sick though so we're always worried about her (we being my parents and me) oh! and the book i had started from my last post i finish today, it was really good, supprisingly so, the ending was....just and ending, like, there wasnt really a conclusion, it just stops, know what i mean? but it was something to do the last few days during my free time.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Everything, Nothing

I do a lot of things during the day, and then most of the time i do nothing. Its the end of summer and so far what i do is wake up, take care of my sister, watch the Olympics, make sure my crazy grandma doesn't do anything crazy, have my best friend come over, work on a show we started then once he leaves, clean up, watch my sis again then go to sleep once everything is over... That even sounds tiering. then other times i just sleep all day, or go to the mall or just do regular teenage girl things.
This week though, has just been dead. Me and Dez (my best friend) got into a fight, like we always do, but this was over something so small and because of it he doesn't want to do the show that we do weekly. Hopefully it doesn't spiral into a vortex of doom and crash and burn. Then there is the fact that now my baby sister (ren) is sick and my parents are at this very moment taking her to the doctor.

On a lighter note though, school is starting back on the 18th, and it will be my last year. I got the classes that I'm taking but I'm not really happy with them so i have to get them changed once i get to school. Also i got a new book, from the twilight series (Breaking Dawn) i haven't started it yet but i will later tonight. Not very light for a lighter note, anyway my grandma is doing some crazy stuff and its kinda annoying so I'm out

The one & only
DarkEmo