The Blowers Daughter

Listen to this song while you're reading the "Past, Present, Future" blog. I was listening to his whole CD when i was writing it ;-; and try not to rush through reading it....it was made to be read at a steady pace



The one & only
DarkEmo

Past, Present, Future...

Some one asked me once, how i planned to court Bridget, now that school was over. The truth is, i know we live in two different worlds, no matter how hard i try she'll always be one step ahead, and i know no matter what i do, she would never return my feelings and that what I'm expecting only happens in movies and books, but then i also know that she's the only one i can ever think about, to the point where i don't even look at anyone else as they pass, because i think "they cant even compare" I've rationalized in my head and have created more cons then pros for if i continue this path, but still with everything pointing in the direction to give up, i just cant. My gut just tells me to be by her side, for as long as i can, because I'm willing to wait an eternity for just an acknowledgement, for that one hint of need. I know its stupid and hopeless, but has love ever been described as smart? Can time heal this affliction?

The one & only
DarkEmo

Fill in

Sorry i haven't written in a while. My computer died then turned into a zombie and then finally i had to shoot it in the head and is currently using its reincarnation =] so i havent been able to do anything that involved the internet in about a week ;-; since my last blog Chloe got mad at me because she felt like i was over reacting when she told me she was going to her ex boyfriends house with her mom because her parents don't know that they broke up in the first place T_T i was just a bit annoyed by the whole thing. She called me once since and its a drastic change from her multiple calls a day, so i think my plan's working and hopefully its only a matter of time before we actually call the whole thing off. besides that Dan called again, but i ignored his call again. He seems pretty stuborn because he wont stop calling and i dont want to change my number because i'd have to tell all my friends and change documents blah blah. Bridgets back from Cambodia, her flight back was saturday, she kept everyone updated the whole two weeks she was there and it sounded pretty tireing so i'll message her in a few days, giving her some time off for now =] Then my mom went out of town this moring for a business trip and she's coming back friday. as for my social life, nothing much is going on. its been really hard meeting up with friends from high school every since graduation, because everyone's always busy, and then i babysit my sister during the week.

BTW little red =] you should at least try talking to the guy so you wont regret it later wondering 'what if' ....thats why i went all out with Bridget and laid my cards out on the table with her. it didnt end out perfect but i'm not wondering 'what if i just...' =] good luck, and i'll try to make more blogs!! >_< my life just isn't that interesting ;-;

The one & only
DarkEmo

Jumbled Thoughts

I haven't updated in a while because one, I've been brooding over Bridget and two, I haven't really been able to put my thoughts into words. The first official week of summer is over and everything's ok, though i still can't get that one person out of my head because everything reminds me of her, though your all probably annoyed with hearing about my hopeless romance. Right now I'm still with Chloe, I'm trying to see if she'll break up with me this time but she doesn't seem like that kind of person -_- unfortunately. But she does say I make her feel like a little kid because I'm older and more experienced I always say things like "maybe when you're older you'll get it" so hopefully that's working a nerve. i know this blog is pretty short, but i still cant put everything into words...and then the things i do want to talk about is an old subject and boring to you guys =/ hope your keeping up with my twitter =]

I'd be happy if she would just let me hold her hand. Our fingers interlaced and I'd lightly press my lips to the back of her palm expressing my compassion, and loyalty....

The one & only
DarkEmo

Annoying Obsession

so summers been boring so far. the week was pretty hectic though since graduation and the fact that my aunt was visiting. her flight back home was yesterday so things are finally calming down again. Chloe and i kinda got into another fight again, but we're still together...i don't know why though. Some of the things she does are so irritating and sometimes she can be really annoying and incentive, but there are a few qualities that i do like about her...but note the fact that i used the word 'few'. i know we wont last long, and if it does then its because I'm too chicken to try and break up with her again. i don't know why relationships are always so hard for me...though the only real relationship I've ever been in was with her and Dan. Speaking of Dan he called me again today, but i missed the call and i didn't listen to the message he left. i don't want to get dragged into him again, because it was so hard for me to get out the first time. a few days ago a friend of mine asked me about him, if i missed him because i always talked about how great the sex was....but i don't. because we didn't really have that connection that most couples are suppose to have. it all seemed so ... forced, i guess, from my side and it wasn't what i was looking for. I'm not going to lie, there have been times when i was really horny and contemplated calling him, but i never did. On the note of my true love, she's in Cambodia, her flight was today and i cant help but worry if she's ok, or if her flight made it, or if she's getting a good rest. I'm praying that her time is amazing and that she's safe. i wish i could be with her, because i miss her. i went from seeing her everyday to none at all, with only our pictures to hold me over...its pretty pathetic, she'll be gone for two weeks.

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. as much as i tried to avoid this with my very soul, i ended up getting a twitter -_-' i update it constantly from my cell so you can stalk me, lol you should see the twitter box somewhere on the side. i update ALL THE TIME!

Graduation

so i finally graduated and got my diploma and everything, i also got a diploma of mastery for the nursing class i was in and i wasn't really expecting that so it was a pleasant surprise. Chloe had called and we were talking why it was better for us to be friends...well i talked and she just moaned and groaned saying i was wrong. and then later we changed the subject because she was getting emotional again, i don't know how, but we ended up sleeping with each other again....about 3 times... and after she just assumed that we were back together, i tried convincing her other wise, but she was getting emotional again, and finally i was just like whatever, even though i know i'm going to have to break up with her again eventually because i'm in love with Bridget. speaking of her, i finally graduated so nothings holding me back. we're friends online now, but i know it'll take more for her to even consider me more then just a former student. so i'm working on it, i dont care how long it takes (hopefully sooner then later) but i'm going to try to convinse her to go out with me, lol. she's also friends with an old teacher of mine, who i'm close friends with now, so that might gain me a few points...i hope. unfortunatly i wont be able to hang out with her in person of a while because she's going traveling for the summer, and is leaving on sunday. so when she comes back i'll see. My friends still think i'm stupid and don't think anything will come of this, but i feel so strongly about her, that i'm willing to wait. she's that one person everone has that brightens up the room and makes you smile when your having a bad day. she means a lot to me, but its just so hard for them to get that. i've never felt like this about anyone before, and the things that its driving me to do lets me know that this is real.

The one & only
DarkEmo

What a Week!

so its been a pretty hectic week. Monday Chloe confessed that she cheated on me with an ex boyfriend after asking me if i was playing her. Tuesday i broke up with her, she cried, i felt like crap, and then Dan called me and wanted me to come back but i said no and said i was breaking his heart and he got a new number and wanted me to have it. and then finally today she called back and said that she cant stop calling me but doesn't want too at the same time. i know where she's coming from. She told me not to call her for a while to make it easier for her to get over me.... the whole thing was a bit weird but i said I'd do whatever to help her get over it, cuz i dont want anything bad to happen to her because she does have a few issues, normal stuff though. and on top of all this emotional stress i've been going to graduation rehersal yesterday and today and then tomorrow is the actual graduation. i'm kinda freaked and excited about the whole thing, and i can tell my parents are finally starting to realize that i'm growing up. me and chloe are just friends now, or atleast trying to be and i'm trying to make my move on Bridget but i just get way to nervous and cant even make constant eye contact, the people who know are giving me mixed reactions on the situation with her, but my problem is i always stay back and let things flow but nothing will ever goes my way because i dont do anything, so i'm going to try, so that i'll have nothing to look back on and say "i could of.." or something. so i'm kinda losing my train of thought now, so i'll write something after graduation.

The one & only
DarkEmo

First Steps...

So schools done and graduation is Thursday. Even though the thing with Bridget ended before it even started I still find myself writing about her, and I cant seem to get over the fact that nothings there. I feel obsessed and frustrated with the whole situation. I'm still dating Vampire girl, aka Chloe. I have been, in a way, trying to distract myself from Bridget, so that i wouldn't seem so obsessed, but every time I'm with her I'm still thinking about how much I love Bridget. I don't want to hurt Chloe because she's really sensitive so I find myself lying to her sometimes. Its been a few months since we've been dating and she calls me every day so we're really close now, but I still feel like I'm not putting all I can into the relationship. Last night we where talking and it kinda lead to things. It was our first time 'together' if you get what I'm hinting at and after I felt like this would really work out, but then one of Bridget's favorite songs came on and it brought me back to that reality that I've been so desperate to forget. I feel like a dumb ass writing all this out but, this is the real me. The side that no one really sees, the side that goes on in my head while I wear the mask that portrays a care free girl. I'm not care free, I've been dragged into a hopeless romance and broken by its unfortunate end, and the worse part is that I'm dragging someone else into this, someone good who deserves better then the left overs of me. I've always been the kind of person who gets over a crush once I see that nothing is coming, but I cant get over Bridget, I cant forget her, I cant stop writing about her, and its driving me insane... I'm such and idiot. This was never suppose to happen, this wasn't part of the plan.

I've never cried from a broken heart....but now I realize, things can change....

The one & only
DarkEmo