Merry Chistmas

I haven't really been making blogs lately, but life's been pretty much hectic with school and the crazy hours at work. Me and viere are still together, and he's been ok for the most part. He had another seizure early this morning but doctors think its because they where testing him out on new medication and he's ok, we called each other a bunch of times during the day just to check in, and then I'm visiting him tomorrow, i didn't get a chance to go see him today because i was at work and when i got off work i had to pick my aunt up at the airport because she's spending two weeks down here for Christmas and new years. I still don't know what I'd do if me and V moved in together and he has a seizure right there, but I love him enough to not let that make me hesitate about the whole moving in together thing. Right now i see myself with him for the rest of my life, getting married and one day having kids, after i graduate of course. He still "jokes" around about the marriage thing too, asking stuff like "When are we going to get married?" or "When are we going to start living together" its even gotten to the point where sometimes his sister refers to me as her sister-in-law....and i dnt hate it, haha. as for Dez, he calls every now and then, but every time he does I'm either on my way to work or the times that he wants to hang I have to go in for work or something else comes up. Living in the adult world i realize that I'm always busy doing something whether its school, work, or just trying to catch up on everything i missed because of school and work. There never really is time for myself besides these little midnight computer times, but even then that only gives me a few hours of rest and then I'm tired the next day, so everything is out of whack. I've been working almost a week and a half straight at work and it got to the point where it was too many days back to back that the manager told me to take the day off Monday, so I've using that day off to go see viere. I passed all of my classes except algebra, i got A A A D for all my classes....can you guess what algebra was? i think the grade was a mistake though because the teacher told me i was passing with a C the last time i spoke to him so i e-mailed him and I'm hoping he e-mails back before winter term actually starts up. Besides all of that i finally got a car, and I'm just waiting for tags and registration so everything should be done the week after Christmas. =]

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. Sorry for not posting in such a long time, its just that nothing really goes on anymore, and I feel like you might be tired of hearing about V.

I've Noticed

I've noticed, ever since the accident V has been staring at me more. like the other day i was doing my homework and when i looked up, he was staring at me. And sometimes while i'm watching tv i can see him looking through the corner of my eye. I cant help but wonder what is he looking at, or what does he see. He's changed, it feels like we've become...more serious.

The one & only

DarkEmo

The longest day of my life

Wednesday Nov 11th 2009
Viere came over and we hung out for the day and did some errands for my mom. Later in the day his dad called me asking about stuff i didn't know and we got into a fight over it. i was mad that V was keeping secrets from me and confronted him about it...he finally told me what he was hiding, He has epilepsy. The whole day i was thinking about it and didn't know what to do. He said he didn't tell me because the last girl he was dating that he told broke up with him because of it. I'll admit i was shocked, but not enough to break up with the person i loved. We went to the park and he didn't kiss me good-bye, i think he was a bit stressed about what his dad said to me (some really bad things btw). Later that night i got called in for work in the mall, i didn't get home till around 11:30 to 12:00 so i started to catch up on some errands that i was doing before i got called in. By the time i was ready to go to sleep it was around 2:30am. I got a call a few minutes after i laid down and it was V's sister. He had a seizure and was in the hospital. I quickly got out of bed and raced to the hospital with his parents. When i got there they told me he had four seizures in total that night, and they had to sedate him to keep him still. When i saw him in the hospital bed with all the wires and tubes i burst into tears and couldn't stop for hours. Finally the doctor gave him new medication and said he was ready to go at around 6:00 in the morning. I sat by his bed the whole time. His parents left and i had to sign his release papers and then they came back and took us to his house. He was pretty dizzy because of the medication they gave him to sedate him and i had to help him walk around. When we got to his place i helped clean up his room where his attack happened and then we both fell asleep on the couch. Finally 9:00am came around and i headed home to let him get some rest and to try to take my mind off of everything that happened. It was a long day, and i cant wait till he gets better and back to himself. I was scared, i don't want to see him like that again. I love him.
Thursday Nov 12th 2009

The one & only
DarkEmo

OMG!

so after i made the blog i went on to facebook to play some dumb ass game, and now he's (Dan) is texting me on my phone! -_-' "i need to see you"

DAMN

ok so I'm innocently doing my homework when i get an unknown caller pop up on my phone. lately I've been answering my phone for just about anything now, because i never know if its a job thing or what. but low and behold...it was Dan, of all the people in the world. when i first heard his voice i was a bit in denial still, but when he said "do you remember who this is" it just clicked for me. After all this time why is he calling me now!? he was going on about why i haven't called him and if i didn't have one day to spare just to talk to him, and that he missed me and wanted to see me, and that i was his girlfriend, and as far as he's concerned that hasn't changed. and i was like wtf, what is this guys prob! so anyway every time he said he wanted to see me i kept replying "That's not a good idea, I'm in a serious relationship" and he'd ask if i wanted to see him and I'd say no. the only way for him to get it is if your harsh. he kept pushing the meeting thing, but i kept pushing a 'no' because i didn't really like our relationship and i really love viere. [he'd be so proud, lol] and after a long back and forth convo he told me that he moved and gave me the address (i didn't write it down though, because i couldn't really care less about where he lived now) and then after more back and forth of him trying to get us back together and wanting to see me he said i love you....it went like this, Dan first then me

D: ok bye

Me: bye

D: i love you

Me: I'm not going to say it

D: i love you

Me: ok bye

D: i love you

Me: Dan, I'm with someone i love and care for and its a serious relationship

D: ...ok bye

Me: bye

D: goodnight

Me: Goodnight

*click*

and then that was it. He was really hot, and I'll admit i do find myself thinking about him sometimes, but i have more happy moments with viere, with V it feels more real then it ever did with Dan......i can never figure him out (Dan) -_- hopefully he doesn't call again so that i can try to fully put him in my past. Viere was actually asking about my ex's the other day and since Dan is practically the only one (besides crazy chloe) he wanted to know a lot about him, like why we split and what he looked like, what we did together, etc etc.

The one & only

DarkEmo

P.S. i cant handle all these damn surprises

Missing the In-between

Haven't made a blog in a while and that's mostly because i thought everyone would be tired of hearing about Viere, so if you are....you shouldn't read this blog because i talk about him partially. Since my last blog I've finally got a job in the mall. Right now the hours aren't so great but the boss is saying it'll pick up during the holiday. I was hired as a seasonal employee though so I'm hoping that all the hard work that I'm doing now will make them want to keep me as a year round employee. Besides work I'm kinda struggling in school with my math class, but then again math has never been my best subject, and the teacher isn't really that great at going over the problems, so i end up trying to teach myself all of the work. I barley have time for myself now a days because I'm always at school, doing homework, or at work, and the little time i do have off i try to squeeze in Viere, but its hard because he's working and trying to find a place of his own too, so its not like high school dating where you just worry about your boyfriend and friends and then doing homework. Sometimes i feel like I've skipped the college life and took an express train straight to adulthood! Viere asked me to move in with him when he buys his place (right now he has a roommate so he's trying to get a place for just himself) he asked me twice, the first time i didn't really answer and then the second time, i told him no, but in more words though, he was kinda sad but he understood because i told him i wanted to save up some of my own money first before i moved out of my parents place. I kinda do want to move in with him, but its way too soon so i know its a bad idea. There are lots of things that i want to do with him but its not in my time line to become a doctor. So I'm trying to stick to my plan, and he's being patient with me, but i wonder for how long, because everything is always when I'm free or when i feel like it. We need to compromise, but i don't think that will happen until a few things clear up in both of our lives. Maybe he's being so understanding because I'm still in school right now....any way he said after he saves money for a place and everything he wants to go back to school to become a pilot. Sometimes i wish money wasn't as important as it was. It makes life so hard, the rich stay rich and the poor gets 'poor'er (i know that's not a word but its poetic licenses, you know what it means and that all that matters)

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. its been over four months now, i wonder if we'll make it to a year

Tell me this isnt ironic

So Terra called me tonight, and i answered the phone. She calls or texts every now and then, and i respond just to be a good friend, i have Viere and she knows it and i love him to much to even consider being dragged back into that crazy 'relationship' that we had. So anyway, she called to complain about how her gay friend keeps sleeping around with all these guys and cheating on his boyfriends and stuff and how that pisses her off when someone cheats because she's been cheated on before blah blah blah, and i'm just sitting here listening to this thinking "This chick cheated on me while we dated!" and she actually has the nerve to come and call on me to complain about her gay bff cheating? wow. anyway she was trying to seduce me but i wasn't picking up on anything, because i wasn't interested any more and i wasn't a cheater. and then she brought up stories from when we dated and the 'good times' we had, i have that in quotations because i don't really know if you can call those good times....sometimes when i give her the benefit of the doubt she turns around and does something stupid, she even asked me if i still had feelings for her, which i don't. As for me and Viere on regular terms, where more like a regular couple, two weeks into our fourth month...he really wants to get married though because he's kinda been telling people i'm his wife XD not a lot of people though, thanks goodness, i don't think i'd be a good Mrs. Davis. He kinda got irritated with me the other day because he said that i never have time for him, and now that i look back its kinda true. I never wanted to be one of those girls who dump friends for their boyfriend so i was always hanging out with my friends even on days when V was suppose to come over so that he could hang with them too, so we haven't been 'alone' for about three weeks now. Like we hadn't seen each other for about a week because i was busy studying for school and the one day i had off i had a job interview, so finally i had a Thursday to myself and he was suppose to come over (we called each other like every day that week) but when he did come over, two of my other friends came over later to hang out, and i was like "sure why not!" and thats the day that he said i never have time for him because i'm always with my friends. This Sunday i'm suppose to go out with some friends to go get some sushi, but then he called and invited me to this carnival thing thats on the same day, so i'm trying to see if i can fit them both in tomorrow, or which ever one i choose. I know if i choose my friends V is probably going to leave, since i'm bailly with him and always with them, and i know if i choose him, my friends might think i'm 'one of those girls'.....i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Certain people think i should break up with V because of a few none important things, but i'm sticking strongly to my own feelings now, and staying with him. Usually i use other people's advice to do things, but with this, i'm following my heart and doing what i think i right, and not what others think i should do, because in the end, i'm the one who has to live with the choices, not them.

The one & only

DarkEmo

Foursome's Aren't Always Filled w/Joy

So I had the truck for the day and went out with two of my friends. Viere was suppose to come over earlier that day but he never showed, and when i finally called him (around 4) he said he had actually just woke up. Friday night him and some friends got drunk, and he slept in the whole day, after that we stopped by his place to pick up my ipod because he borrowed it the day before and headed to Sawgrass Mall, he couldn't come because he was going to help his friend shave his head, not Viere....the friend, so anyways while we where at the mall V called back again and asked me if i wanted to hang out later since he couldn't when i cam by earlier and i said sure. So after walking around the mall and then making the long journey back to the parking lot (walking the sawgrass mall is like a months worth of cardio workouts) we went to V's house then i dropped of my two friends. I just wanted to go to his place and blah blah, but he said that his cousin was there with three other girls and he didn't want me to hear that, or see any naked girls walking around, so i was like what ever, i was a bit cranky though because i was tired and was on the road all day so i just wanted to go either to his place or mine and just relax and go to sleep, but instead we went to the house of "The woman who practically raised him" that was his words, and i met his half sister and some more family members. I'm just going to call this lady his step mom, because thats who she was at one point but then his dad remarried....again, to the first step mom that i met. So step-mom B (since she was the second one i met) was just asking me stuff like, where i was from, how long me and Viere's been together, and if he treats me right, and then she was giving him tips about how to remember anniversary's because "thats something women never forget and men should know" which is true, because i do remember the very first day that Viere first asked me out, i even remember the second time he asked me too! (if you remember how we met, then the second asking out thing will make more scene) and finally a family friend got me a necklace from Zales today, so i finally have a new, and really nice necklace to wear instead of the old ones i use to have that was from claire's. Don't really know what else to post, i'm really tired from being out all day, I'm trying to take my mom out to dinner sunday night just for the hell of it and the next time i see Viere will be Thursday, the longest we've been apart.

The one & only

DarkEmo

Sex Conversation Is Different From Sex Talk

Viere came over today, whats new right, and the same as usual. The longer I'm with him the easier it is for me to talk to him about stuff. well the reason why i wanted to make this blog is to talk about this thing that he does during sex sometimes. He's done it a few times before, but today was when i really noticed it. and that is, sometimes he likes to have conversations during sex, and that totally throws me off sometimes. like for example today he had this long conversation, and I'll write it out:
so we're making out and then we start having sex then this
"When's your math test?" I'm thinking WTF?!
"Tomorrow"
"Did you study?"
"yes"
"are you sure?"
"yes"
"What other classes do you have tomorrow?"
"Computers" at this point I've getting pretty agitated.
"That's it?" i give him this look because i really don't think this is the right time to talk about this.
"What? Your lucky i actually care about your school work"
"But do we really have to talk about this now?" he takes the hint and stops having random conversations in the middle of sex, but then later he starts up another conversation! but then cuts it short, its weird because during sex all i think about is sex, and whats going on right then, right in the moment, he's like a multitasking woman....i guess he thinks better during sex, haha
Its pretty hard to put in words the situation for you to see the full extent of its strangeness, lol, also today he asked
"When are we going to get married?"
"I don't know" I never really had any intentions too, so I've never thought about it, he stared back at me and i just repeated "i don't know"
"Then when your done with school will you marry me?" he looked so serious but it was such and out there questions that i had to convince myself that he was kidding, but he didn't look like it.
"Maybe" i replied
"Will you think about it?"
"Yea"
"Promise?"
"....yea" it was weird, because he seemed so serious, i don't think I'm ready for marriage, but i am glad that he intends to be with me that long. but he question did make me realize one thing, and that the fact that, i really do love him, and i never noticed until today.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Feels Great

So it’s been a while since my last blog, and since I’ve been called a bitch, but whatever, everyone has a right to their own opinion, and that’s what makes the world such an angry place sometimes…conflict of idea’s. I’ve been absolutely swamped with homework since starting college and during my free time I’m either sleeping or trying to find a way to hang out with friends (though they’re always busy with homework too, lol) Viere comes over practically every other day and its gotten to the point where I expect him to come XD haha, he’s a bit predictable with that. We’re getting closer and I’m really opening up to him the longer we’re together. On Friday I had to go to the eye doctor and he came with me, and even helped pick out a new pair of glasses for me, so I’m really excited to get them (glasses take like a week to make after you order them) then he stayed with me at home later, because the doctor had put these drops in my eyes that made my pupils dilated so EVERYTHING was blurry and I couldn’t read anything even if it was right in my face. Today I kind of blew off homework and went to the mall with some friends. I ended up buying something at old navy for me and a shirt for Viere that I think would look good. I have to convince him to wear it though because he always buys two sizes too big for himself, and I just got the right size. I’m pretty excited to give it to him tomorrow, he’s coming over for a bit until some of my other friends come over because we’re (me and my friends) are kind of having a girls hang out at my place, So I’m going to force him to put it on then! Lol, OH! And I met Viere’s dad and step mom this weekend, it was a surprise visit, for both me and his parents, so I kinda looked crappy, I just had on a t-shirt, shorts, and my hair was pulled back in a sloppy pony tail XD lol, well it wasn’t really sloppy but it looked like I was going to the supermarket instead of meeting my boyfriends parents. Everything was good, he family seems fine. They’re really hard on him about staying in school and getting a good job, so that’s good, at least he has the drive/push to get that stuff done.

I’ve been searching like made for a job lately to help me pay for college text books, and eventually get a car, so far I’ve had an interview at old navy and they said they’d call in a week, so I’ve still got five days before I hear any news, and then in two weeks I’ve got an interview at bath and body works, I went in today and spoke with the hiring manager, so hopefully that gained me some points, and then I’ve applied to just about everywhere else with a hiring sign. So I just have to wait and see what comes up. I’m praying for the old navy job though because I absolutely love that store. My whole house is filled with old navy stuff!

As for the whole dez thing, I’m over it, but he still wants to ‘talk’ about it, even though we have a million and one times, I guess he won’t think we’ve really talked about it until we’re friends again…anyway today I did some cleaning, just took some stuff out of my room that was his, because I feel, like there’s no point in having it now. One thing I couldn’t throw away though was a picture painting thing he gave me, I couldn’t destroy that because it was art, and not just a pic like the other stuff I tossed, so I was planning on just giving it away tomorrow instead, someone else can look at it. My room kinda has a different vibe to it

The one & only

DarkEmo

Birthday Cakes & Heart Breaks

So today's Viere's 24th birthday =] i bought my man his giant ass condoms and birthday cupcakes (the cashier at the store was looking at me funny when i tossed down condom's, cupcakes, and candles lol) he came over and we hung out and talked, but then all his family kept calling him to wish him happy birthday, then he smothered me in his cake and ate it off me....thats rite....that wasnt a typo, i was a little embarrassed at first, but just went with it, that reminds me, i have to change my sheets, its covered in frosting, and then after we made passionate love for what seemed like hours XD haha, but then i got tired and he was ok with it (so our sex talked worked! =]) later we watched his favorite movie "fight club" and then ordered some Chinese food. it was a good day up until Dez called, but i'll get to that later. So me and Veire spent practically the whole day together and at one point he was like
"Why do i love you so much?" and i said
"I don't know" come on! what the hell am i suppose to say to that on the spot? Now i'm thinking i should of said something like "because i'm a hot commodity" or something dumb/sarcastic like that, and then finally we we're watching tv both stuffed from our food, and a strange number called my phone, i assumed it was Viere's cousin or mother (because they have my number) but it was dez, i've been ignoring his call for weeks and he tricked me with a different number, i've never seen something piss me off more, i told him i was busy but he kept talking about his day and couldn't take the hint that i didn't want to talk to him, and he kept talking and talking but i wasnt really listening to him, and finally Veire said he had to go, he said
"I would stay longer but your friend ruined our day" He was only joking but dez did ruin my day because ever since our fight just hearing his voice pisses me off. Before Viere left he asked if i wanted to go out to lunch with him at TGI Friday's tomorrow and i said yes, i love going out with him =] so anyway, Dez kept blabbing and then asked me whats wrong and i told him straight up, that i was done, and everytime he calls i remember what he did and i can never forget it nor forgive it, so he had this whole crying moment and said he was heart broken and it sounded like he was my boyfriend for years and i broke up with him for nothing, he told me he'd give me two weeks to cool down. Me and Desmond Ward is done, we will never be best friends again and i doubt i'd be regular friends with him now. He's made his mistake and "i'm sorry" wont make me forget it, i've accepted sorry one too many times

The one and only
DarkEmo

Big ass D***

So me and Viere usually get Trojan ultra thin condoms, because it has spermicidal lube (kills sperm on contact) but we ran out and he got regular trojan condoms (way back when i told you he walked is ass to publix) but the times that we used the original kind the condom ripped....all four times -_-' and he said that its harder for him to put it on too, so i told him that i'd go out and buy some...since he got the wrong ones last time who knows what he'll get if i send him again, so now I've got to get his black ass trojan magnum because the other one's are too small. He gets off at 8 tonight and said he might stop by, but i just remembered that i have class tonight from 6 to 9. I guess I'll stop by publix a little later to get the condom's and to tell him that i wont be home tonight. He has tomorrow off but I've got school till around 3.

Applebee's & Wedding Bells

Been meaning to make a blog for a while now, but once again my computer was causing internet trouble again. Three weeks since school started and I’ve just been reading pages upon pages and writing essay’s when I’m not studying I’m usually with Viere. I was suppose to meet his parents the other day (well his dad and step mom) but his dad didn’t get home till late and I didn’t really feel like going there around that time so we postponed it to next Thursday, and I’m driving, to be honest I don’t really care about driving, why should I stress about him not having a car when he has a house and a job and is in school? It’s just an unnecessary worry…don’t get me wrong, if he asks me to pick him up all the time I’d be pissed, but so far he’s never called me for a ride. Also his birthday is Friday and he wants to go to either Applebee’s or steak & shake because he’s never been to either. I’ve never been to steak & shake also, but I don’t think I want to XD and I was kind of surprised that he’s never been to Applebee’s because I’ve been to practically every restaurant out there and just assumed most people had, he must of saw my look because he was like “what? It’s my money?” and I responded “Nothing, I just thought you’d want to go somewhere else for your birthday” I have high taste, I like PF Chang’s and Cheesecake Factory where one plate can cost $20 he’s happy with Denny’s and Applebee’s, I’m totally fine with that, I just have to remember that not everyone throws their money away on needless things =] One thing that’s kind of been on my mind also is that, one of my friends said that Viere is in the marrying age and that he might want to settle down. At first I just ignored that but now I’m starting to think, maybe they’re right. Because when we first started dating he did say he was looking for something serious, and so am I but I don’t know if it’s that serious. I know it may sound like I’m jumping to conclusions, but since we’ve been together he’s talked about marriage and kids a few times. I’ve made sure to tell him that I’m not planning on having kids until after I finish med school, so if we’re together still then I’ll be 26 and he’ll be around 32. Who knows, I doubt we’ll be together that long anyway.

The One & Only

DarkEmo

Can't Help But Love His Weirdness

So its been a few days since my last post, and I've read the comments and seen how angry everyone was getting at him. In the last few days since then we've talked on the phone, or he's come over before work and we'd either watch a movie (today he watched some of district 9 with me before he had to go to work) or we'd just talk outside. We've been together for almost 3 months now, and his birthday is next week (the 18th, he's turning 24) and i still haven't decided what to get him, IF i even get him anything. Today he asked if on Thursday (because he gets off work early then) i could go with him to wal-mart and help him shop for some boxers and pick up a few things (like socks and grocery's). I've never really been in a relationship but...is that normal for people who's only been going out for three months? and the other day he offered something that i wouldn't let a guy do unless we've been married for years! it was so embarrassing that i cant even put in on the blog! (just try and guess what it was) it was a nice offer, but not something a girl wants to hear from her new boyfriend. Sometimes he acts like we've been dating for a year instead of 3 months, and its sweet and cute...but sometimes very shocking o_o Oh, and i found out that some of the soreness i was feeling was because of the BC pills I've been taking...it's also causing another little annoying side affect so i have to go to the dreaded 'woman' doctor and get a new prescription and see if this one will be better. That reminds me ladies, birth control pills are a pain in the ass, abstinence is the best policy, lol XD I haven't had the 'cool down on the sex' talk yet, but he's coming over tomorrow before i go to the dentist so i guess if it comes up then i can try to toss it in. My mom said that sometimes i can be a bit judgmental of him, because he have such different backgrounds. for one he's 'black' on the inside and I'm 'preppy white' on the inside. maybe she's right...sometimes i do find myself thinking about how he'd look better in this and maybe he should try that, like a new nice shirt, or boxer briefs instead of just boxers, but I'm trying to cool down that controlling side, and just accept him the way he is...well most of him. Btw i take back my 1% retard comment, that was a bit harsh Dee...a bit harsh.

The one & only (& still in shock she has a steady boyfriend)

DarkEmo

P.S. College's a bitch

On The Fence & In Pain...a little

So I haven't really made a blog lately because either things have just been fine and dandy or they where way to personal for me to tell the general public. Me and Viere have been through some things and he's been there 100%, supporting me and being nice and just an all around great guy, like when i was sick for two weeks with that gum infection and i was quarentined from everyone he still came by and would kiss me saying that "as long as its from you i dont care" because the gum thing was kinda contageous. But today just had me a bit worried about our future and I'll admit i was a bit heated and finally had time to cool down a little. First things first. we have sex a lot, and i'm not really a 'do it all the time' person, but what ever, i dont know what i was thinking everytime we did it.
So tuesday we ran out of condoms, but we still 'did it' i know dumb, i was kinda freaking out about pregnancy for a while but it was the day after my period so all my fertile eggs where gone...not to mention i'm on the pill. and then today he came over because it was his day off and we had sex again (he had a condom in his wallet) and then he tried again and i was like, wait, we need a condom, i guess he thought since we didnt use one that one time we wouldnt need it all the time. But i was kinda using the 'no condom' thing as an excuse, because i'm tired of all the sex, i just want a guy who i can sit with and watch tv with and hang out where we dont have to have sex all the time, i'm good with once a month even! and what erked me was the fact that he actually got up and walked his ass to publix and bought a pack T_T I was irritated because before he left i told him that sex isnt everything to me and i'm not use to going at it so much and i've lived most of my life without it so i'm good so cant we just watch tv or something and he said
"Its not sex to me, its love" so when he came back i was all bitter and he kept trying to do it because it was his day off and we wern't going to see each other until wednesday, but i wasnt in the mood, plus i was always sore after. So we sat there and talked for a long time, just about random stuff and i cooled down and thought of how great he was, and then after all his F'in nagging we ended up doing it again (notice the annoyance in my words)
another thing that happened today that had me a bit worried was we where both watchng tv and a commercial came on where a lady said "When i have one of those days, i get them a happy meal" and its like that triggered something in him because he just burst out yelling "woman! have you ever had one of those days?!" and all i could say was "what the hell?" and i just stared at him and in my head i was thinking, oh my god! he's 1% retarted!
So those two instances today really have me on the fence of whether this is really going to work or not....because I don't want a relationship based on sex, and i'm not even really into sex all that much (don't get me wrong, he's good at what he does, but thats not all i'm looking for) and then that random ass out burst really freaked me out, because he was laughing all crazy like when he said it. when i told my mom about the "special" thing she said that it was just him having a little fun and i shouldnt think he's special or anything. Is this really the man i'm going to be with for a year(s)?

The one & only
DarkEmo

This sex thing is really pissing me off

Not Sure What to Title This

So Viere came over today [That's actually the correct way to spell his name] i asked him what time he had to go to work and he said he's actually on his lunch break and stopped by. We hung out in my room and got all cuddly like usual and watched some tv but then we started making out and i realized how much i missed just hanging out with him. Then it got a bit more serious and we ended up having sex again. It didn't hurt like the first time, i mean there was a little discomfort at first but then that went away and i was right as rain....i never really got that saying o_O after when he was getting dressed again (looking rather sweaty might i add) lol, he kept smiling and laughing, i wonder what he was thinking =3 He gets off at five today and said he'll come by again if I'm home and i said I'd be here =] I really like him and I'm just going to go with the flow with things and not go crazy when someone tells us its not going to work, when we just started dating there was a lot of negative feedback from both friends and the Internet -_-' but I'm trying not to let that bother me. It's funny because he's the first black guy I've dated (because i usually take them off the list first) and its working so far with mutual feelings. Kinda makes a girl feel confident! =D

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. Little Red, Its kinda hard to believe that I'm falling in love =/ It seems so soon for something like that since i'm so young....and its not in my DarkEmo future MD plan! >=D

Feel Better

So Veir called me tonight and said that he missed me and that he was sorry he hasn't called in four days, and that he's going to try and come over tomorrow before work to see me. I asked him where the hell he's been and he told me that someone broke into his house friday night and since then he's been trying to fix the window (that they broke in from) and get the place back together. so i accepted that as an excuse, because it only happened once, he said he even tried to come to my house today for the party that we were suppose to go to, but by the time he got on his way it was too late so he just went home and called me instead. I was so happy that he called and that my over reaction and negative thinking was just in my head and that nothing bad really happened to him. I really did miss him, and i never really realized it until now, i'm excited to see him tomorrow. This whole week i was angry at him and worried about him at the same time. My mom and Dez are saying its young love, but i don't really think we're in love, but i guess everything looks different from the outside. My mom also said i put my whole heart into it too...so here's my question, Is it wrong to put your all into a relationship? Or should you cut down and keep your heart inside where it belongs?

The one & only
DarkEmo

I can finally go to sleep without being pissed! =] Oh! and i start birth controle this weekend... i'm scared! >_<

Paranoia

I haven't heard from Veir since Friday usually he calls everyday or just shows up. Because of my bad history with relationships i cant help but think the worst and I'm racked with paranoia and jealousy. My mom can even tell that somethings wrong with me. I keep thinking, is it over? is our relationship done before it really started? Is he with someone else? am i that boring?! and I'm just going to the extreme with these questions and I'm pacing and i keep checking the door every few minutes because he never really knocked that hard so i keep thinking I'm going to miss him if he does show up. and i feel like I'm going crazy, plus we had plans to go to my friends birthday party tomorrow and i don't know what I'd do if he doesn't show! And I'm not about to stop by his job because that's going to look so insane ;-; i don't know what to do! I was so happy that i actually found something real and something that looked like it would last and someone i could tell my friends about. We had sex, and he met my parents and we went on dates and he told me about his hopes and dreams, isn't that what normal people do? Do they just stop talking to someone just like that without even a hint or a signal, when i never even did anything wrong? or was everything he did this last month just an act? and if it was why did he stick around so long after, was it just to mess with me? or is this all in my head and I'm actually losing it....i think I'm turning into one of those crazy girlfriends...I'd never say any of this out loud, but i needed to get it off my chest -_- another bump in the road that i call my life

The one & only
DarkEmo

A Few Things

First of all, Little Red, if a guy doesn't like you the way you are then he's not the one. If you think you have to be skinny for him to like you then doesn't that just prove that he's shallow? You need to e-mail me more often so we can talk about this in detail =] you know where to find me.

Now on to the blog. Veir came over yesterday...and today, but parents where unexpectedly home both days, but even so we just chilled in my room and made out, my damned period started today so no sex for a week! XD lmao (I've lasted longer then that so i should be good) He was trying to get a bit more "intimate" today but i had to stop him, but he doesn't know why exactly. I didn't want to just bust out and say "I'm on my period" T_T if i was a guy that would kinda gross me out XD lmao, so he gave me a hicky instead and we played footsy and cuddled, i know -_-' looking back now i think wow, how corny and lame, but during i was like a kid in a candy store. For someone who's never really had much luck with... i was going to say the opposite sex but Chloe was a fuckin wack job....with anyone besides friends, better worded, I'm really happy i found this guy or he found me since i've never seen him and he's been watching me shop at the supermarket. And I'm hoping that we work out for the long run....not marriage though because I want to have either an asian baby or a white baby, thats such a horrible thing to say! >_< back to the point, so all my experiences is just proof that if you wait patiently, and don't jump into things then you'll find that special person, maybe even the one, I'm not saying Veir is the one, but someone out there might have better luck then me =] So be patient people! I'm in a very good mood because I got to spend the day with Veir. I have a week coming up where i don't have to babysit, so that's going to be a sexapalooza for us, lol I just hope everything goes as planned....but then again so far nothing with him has gone as planned and that's how we ended up where we are...sooooo i hope everything is spontaneous and surprising =]

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. Veir sounds so cute when he moans =3 enough said!

The Big 100

So Veir came over today again and we just hung out and watched tv, after a while we went to my room again, but just to lay down, I was really tired and he was really into the history channel, lol. We talked about yesterday and then talked about me going on 'the pill' it was really weird, but since we are together these are the kinda stuff you have to talk about eventually. And then after talking I fell asleep in his arms and he fell asleep next to me. That was my first time falling asleep on someone, because I'm always so conscious and stiff about not moving -_-' but with him I just relaxed and dozed off. He had to leave at around 8 because it was his turn to cook dinner at his house. He lives with his brother and his two close friends are always dropping by unannounced too. I really like him, and I like spending time with him. I've never spent time with Dan like this, that's why I didn't really understand why he said he loved me, and I can understand it...but don't 100% believe it when Veir tells me. The longer I'm with him the longer I want us to work out. My mom doesn't really like the fact that he's here so often, and there are somethings that she doesn't like about him. I usually take whatever she says close to heart, but this time I'm trying to just ignore it, because there are lots of relationships where the parents don't like the person, but they are still together and it works out. I'm just hoping that as time goes on she'll dislike him less. Oh and before he left he gave me a huge handful of condoms, he said his boss gave them too him (he does work at publix!) I was a bit surprised, and I guess he could tell because he then said “Well, its better to be safe” and then he looked away shyly, lol, I just tossed them in my night stand and laughed.

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. This is my 100th blog...hence the title =]

Didn't Wait....Damn

Vier came over today and we talked and watched tv for a while in the living room, and then we moved to my room and just talked for a while, then we started making out and things got a bit intense and we started the process of having sex. This time with a condom so i didnt really have any objections. What i was worried about was right though. It hurt like hell when he first went in, to the point where i actually jumped back (as much as i could though since i was laying down) and let out a pained moan. He said "I'm sorry baby" and started going slower. we didnt really get to finish though because he had to go to work at 4 and when he saw it was already after four he had to race and get dressed, it was kinda funny because i've never seen him lose his cool before. Before he left he said he'll call later, and asked me to pray that his boss wont fire him, haha. What took me by surprise though is that after the sex i saw that i was bleeding a little, and i was in pain after too when i walked around or used the bathroom. I asked my cousin about it because she's a sex expert and she said it was because he was big and just tell him to go slower next time. I hope my body gets use to it, because that first initial blow was pretty painful -_- but after it did get better. I'm also hoping that this relationship lasts long too. I'm a little irritated that i didnt stay true to my word of waiting two months. btw, he gave me another hicky...i think thats his thing or something

The one & only
DarkEmo

UPDATE: Sore & Tired & Sore

I forgot to mention that V isn't 22, i got his age wrong, he's actually 23 and he turns 24 in September....Not as old as Dan, but still practically an adult who lives on their own and one day start a family blah blah blah...I'm only 18!!!! I just started college!!!!! shouldn't i be dating another 18 or 19 year old who's also in college?! V is going to be done with school soon and is living his life long dream (well once he's done with school he's going to be living his dream) and i'm just starting.... anyway, this is just an update, so its suppose to be short

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. My lip is still swollen =/

Sore & Tired & Sore

So apparently me and my boyfriend went out tonight...that's right ladies and gentlemen, darkemo actually has a normal boyfriend. So anyway we went out to the drive in. I left the house at 11:30 and just walked in and its 5:23am. Let me start from earlier in the day. My dad promised to let me borrow his friends car for the day, but he didn't have time to bring it so i ended up getting the car at around 9. i started getting ready for my date at 11, and headed out by 11:30 where i met up with V. we then drove to the drive in movies and watched the ugly truth. it was pretty funny, but about half way through the car battery died so we couldn't hear the movie (at drive in's you listen to the movie on the radio! My first time going as you can see) so we just 'cuddled' as lame as that term sounds in the back and after the movie someone finally gave our battery a jump, them after the movie we drove down to the gas station, because i was thirsty, and then went to this secluded park and sat in the car and just talked, after that, i wont go into detail but lets just say, the windows fogged up, my lip looks like i was stung by a bee -_- (totally unexpected) and i got my first hicky(sp?)....which hurts like hell! Then we almost had sex (many times that night actually) but i stopped it just in the nick of time! >=D and good news girls! he's bigger then Jamie and Dan ;-; (i'm crying because know I'm going to be in world of hurt when we do, do it for the first time. finally when i couldn't anymore of him hitting all weak spots i decided it was time to go. A few words were exchanged but i'm too tired actually explain and a bit sore

The one & only
DarkEmo

i'm staying true to my word to take it slow or at least slower then Dan >=D

No Straight Line To Be Found

So i woke up kinda groggy this morning, i had went to bed late the night before and still had to wake up early this morning to watch my sister. Then during breakfast i got a call from V, he asked if he could come over today and i said no at first because i wasn't really in the mood to see anyone or to be a host or whatever, but he was really insistent and i just gave up and said yes. When he got here later we watched some tv while Ren played around the house. It was different from all the other time's he's been over, and it sounds kinda dumb explaining it in words, but when he was about to leave (He has work today) he said he needed to tell me something and its been bothering him for some time now, so i laid there and waited for him to continue (I was laying on the couch and he was resting against my legs on the floor) First he asked me if i was a virgin and i told him straight up that i wasn't. and then after talking about that for a while he told me that he has kids O_O *shocked* but they live with there mom on the island where he was born. I was kinda shocked at first, but it didn't change how i felt about him. He's a really nice guy....though his car situation is like a thorn in my side -_- but besides that he's great! My friend told me to dumb him, but i cant dumb him because of that! if i had a kid and a guy i was dating dumped me for that I'd feel like shit. So I'm thinking that he was probably so insistent on coming over to tell me that. and it seemed like he was having a hard time letting it out too.

Also when we were talking about the virgin thing he said that he thought i was one and he knows how girls are sensitive about that sorta thing so that's why he was going so easy and taking everything so slow, so now i;m worried if he's going to try and jump my bones now that he knows its not my first time -_-' i hope not, because as much as i would want to sleep with him i want to take things slow because I'm looking for something serious....nothing involving wedding bells but not random play either....know what i mean?

The one & only
DarkEmo

Rejoice

Chole and I finally broke up (again) It was like a roller coaster, but i know this is the final time, first she was sad, then mad and then her and her cousin kept calling my phone and texting me dumb messages through the night. i just sat back and basked in the glory of how stupid they were =] i told her she was acting childish and some of the comments she made, made her sound like she was 2 (She's nowhere near that so no one freak out) she ended up calling me a bitch and hanging up. i always tried to be easy on her, but when saw how stupid she was acting the sarcastic bitch side of me came out and that pissed her off. I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my chest and i can't help but laugh. I hope she doesn't do anything stupid though...she's a bit crazy. Everything feels great...but there's still this air around that feels kinda odd, if you know what i mean. I only have two more weeks left of babysitting so the last weeks of summer I'm going back to school shopping with some friends and hanging out with V....probably

The one & only
DarkEmo

Unexpected Day

So V kept telling me that he was coming over on Monday and i never quite believed it. and just tossed it off and thought something was going to come up and he'd have to cancel. Things did keep coming up, but he still made it over here.....and i was a bit surprised, so much so that i was still wearing my pj short shorts and a tank top, with somewhat bed head going on XD lol, i know, sexy! we watched tv in my room for a while and he fell asleep on my bed >_< *fan girl squeal* and then later when Ren woke up (she was taking a nap when he came) we hung out in the living room watching ren play, finally my parents came home and introductions where tossed around and finally we went downstairs and talked, just the two of us, and we got to learn more about each other, its was ok, and there was quiet moments, but then we're both quiet people, and in the end when i bid him farewell he kissed me in the elevator...where there's a camera!!! >_< i felt like i didn't know what i was doing though (With the kissing) but it was ok, he's good at taking the lead. and then he rode it back up with me and i went home, and he left....it was a kinda boring day, but i liked the ending. My mom said he's not really my type. and the thing is, he isn't compared to all the guys that I've liked before he's different....but maybe this can work, he's a really nice guy, and he's willing to take it slow, and he's ok with my nerdy skills....He's going to be done with college in two months...and I'm starting in a month...will school get in the way of anything? and can i really have sex with him?? and how long is too long for a guy to wait?!?!? so many questions so little time!

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. He said he's stop by tomorrow before work to say hey...

Thunderous

Sometimes its hard to stay friends with the people I'm friends with....only some of them...especially dez. In our rough spots i even wonder why we're friends, but after i forget the thought. In my group of friends I'm known as the reliable one. If i say I'm going to do something, i do it, if you ask me to do you a favor you can count on me to do it...but there is usually only one reliable person in a group and that sucks for me because, I'm usually the one getting let down. I woke up pissed and angry today because i got a phone call from dez. I know he's always late for everything so i told him we're going to the mall at 10 when we're really going at one. The call was to tell me that he wouldn't make it in time. Then said he'd be here.....after one. Then later another friend who promised they would come canceled, and then another. and if this was a one time thing I'd be ok with it. but every time we "try" to get together they all cancel and its just rubbing against my last nerve. Why is there no one i can count on!? Why don't i have that one friend or what ever who says they're going to be there and when i show up their there? I'm a punctual person, the kind who shows up early instead of on time and it agitates, which is an understatement, me when i see someone cant do the same for me. Plus its thundering and storming outside and the dark gloomy clouds isn't really what i need to cheer up

The one & only
DarkEmo