Spontaneous

so its been a really long week... and its only Tuesday. the new year is starting in just a few days and Dan called me today, I'm meeting him on Thursday, because I'm kinda busy the tomorrow, after i got off the phone with him though i realized what made me so disconnected from him and so interested in Jamie. Me and Dan always plan out when we "meet up" and then Jamie was spontaneous. i didn't go to that party thinking that i was going to sleep with him that day, but every time i see Dan i know that we're going to have sex. I like to be surprised.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Cross Roads

so its after the holidays, thanks for the few comments that were left btw, and LV, I've tried that and the list is pretty short...on both sides XD lol. as for whats been up for the last few days, a few family members have been staying over so i haven't had my computer in a wile (hence the lack of blogs) on Christmas Dan called to wish my happy holiday's, i wasn't really thinking he would but it was a good thought. I was at a party at the time and he could hear the music, he asked if i could come over after the party but i told him i couldn't because i was with family, and then that i wouldn't be free until Sunday, so he asked me to see him next week, kinda made me promise that i would. when i had finally made my mind to end things with Jamie and work my way off of Dan eventually, Jamie called me today, on my house number when i never gave it to him, it was weird because i wasn't expecting it (no one knows my house number except my best friend, everyone else calls my cell) and he wanted to know when prom was and how much it was because he got a free limo that we could use. guess i cant ditch him yet, especially if he's going to prom with me! =]

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. Thanks for the comments guys ^_^ i really enjoyed them

Prostitues and Stars

Yesterday my neighbor offered me $200 to sleep with him. I told him no. the only time I've ever seen this guy was when i get home or when i go check the mail. He gives me the creeps because he's always there, watching. He told me this sob story once that his wife cant have kids and he really wants some, even though no one in the neighborhood has ever seen his wife. I'm mad that he though I'd say yes to that....do i look like a whore?

I realize that i barley talk about school. I'm mean, this is a blog about an average teen, who happens to go to school. but that's not what people want to read, they want to read about sex and lies, wishing that they could be stars, when the stars are wishing they could be on-lookers. I'm not saying that I'm a star, but sometimes i do wish that this could go back to normal, sometimes i wonder what everything would be like if i never went to that park all those months ago. I'd never been kissed, i would still be a virgin, I'd still see Jamie as that underclassmen who just happened to be my friend. I never dreamed of being with him, let alone sleeping with him. before all of this he was my dorky friend, and i was just a dorky girl. Dan's kiss seemed to have changed my whole life...

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. Btw, i want you guys to start leaving comments, i really would like to know what you think, and you don't have to be a member of blogger to leave a comment, which is awesome =]

Waterfalls

so everything in my love life....or lack of one has been the same. i use the phrase 'lack of' because no one is really loving anyone in my little triangle of confusion. I haven't taken any one's advice on what to do with the guys and have just let everything stay the same and float along the current. Hopefully that current doesn't take me towards a raging waterfall. I'm almost done with school and i still don't know what i want to do, with either of them, or if i even have a future with them, meaning will i officially start dating, not marry and have 10 kids. Jamie and I myspace a lot more then before all of this started and Dan still calls every now and then. Some days i say i want to break it off with him because it's too much of a hassle, and then other days i say to myself 'wtf?! this is some [let me choose my words wisely]...interesting sex that ur giving up!' that's not really what i say, but in the end i do talk myself out of giving up on him, and then i go see him. and then with Jamie, it doesn't seem that platonic most days and then others its like he does a complete 360 and its as though............well you know where I'm heading with this. I just wish life was much simpler, like back when you were a kid and all you had to worry about was cooties and making good grades. Life of an average teenager is hard T_T

The one & only
DarkEmo

Secret Sexy Santa

So once again, here is another blog. Tomorrow is Secret Santa for our drama club, and i pulled Jamie's name, and apparently i had his name last year too (he reminded me a few days ago that i did) and i was thinking, wow, what a coincidence, but any way, i got him two really nice shirts. I hope he likes them, because that's all i could get at last minute, and i just happened to be at the store at the time too XD lol, besides that i've been discussing my options with my round table, people who i talk to about my sextual life....in detail. And some of them think i should dump Dan and go for Jamie, others thinks i should forget about Jamie and go for Dan, and then the rest say i should just forget about them both. It's easier for me to forget about Dan after a couple of days, but not Jamie, because i see him EVERYDAY, but i was considering doing just that (forgetting them both) i'm just waiting for the right time to tell Dan, that i think we should stop what we're doing and start seeing other people. I never really gave him a chance though, now that i think about it. with him, its always been about sex, and i've never given him the time of day to actually learn more about him and get to know his personality....maybe i should.....but that requiers lots of work. I do want to sleep with Jamie again because he's so convenently there, and he's my same age, so that helps too, but who knows where thats going. Today during lunch we were all talking about sex, i came in a bit late though because i was helping out a teacher, and they asked for people to raise there hand if the weren't a virgin, and of course jamie and i raised our hands, along with some others, and when the next question was how many partners have you had, he put up one finger and i put up two. My friend said (later of course) that when Jamie saw my hand he looked like 'wtf?" or whatever....i guess he thought he was my only one. its good to see a reaction out of him >=3 I'm trying to get him jealous. lol, I'm playing with this boys head....both of them XD

The one & only
DarkEmo

Big Drama! [UPDATE]

so apparently my blog has been causing some drama. i guess that's what happens when you speak your mind and everyone can read it, and people also have had some misconceptions on what some things mean, but oh well. Nothing much new, I've been meeting Dan on a regular basis now, he called me this afternoon, but it got cut short (the convo) because something happened and that he would call back, i don't really mind, it's weird actually having a normal conversation with him. I'm starting to run low on condoms and i wont be able to get birth control for another month (till January) so I'm trying to cut down on the sex, i know it would be easier to ask him to get them, but I've got a favorite kind, and they're kinda pricey, so i just get them myself, and if he knows that's why we have to cut down, i think he'll be ok with that, because i know he doesn't want to get someone pregnant, especially someone under age, although i wont be for long =] . Another thing is that my mom knows I'm having sex, and she's trying to figure out who it is but i wont tell her. She knows Dan, and has even met him once, but she doesn't like him, so i know she'll flip if she ever found out that I've been sleeping with him. It's really hard lying to her sometimes, but i know its better then the alternative if i do tell her.
And finally for the last bit of drama, my best friend is having boyfriend problems, but I'm not a liberty to say, just in case his boyfriend reads it XD get you all hyped up, just to put you back down! but that's all i can remember for now, i haven't written a blog in a while, so i cant remember everything that's happened.

The one & only
DarkEmo

P.S. I almost forgot! Today is my sisters birthday, she's 1!!!!

P.P.S. Dan just drunk dialed me XD lol, he called and sounded so wasted, it was weird. he wanted to come over, but i told him no because i wasn't home alone. It sucks though, cuz drunk sex is always the best sex....i cant wait to live on my own *wink wink*

Pass Time

so I'm in school now (Anatomy & Physiology class) so i thought I'd do a short blog. I'm suppose to go over to Dan's place today, but i think I'll just skip it, i;m not really in the mood for all that, plus i'm really close to beating god of war which my friend let me borrow, so i want to get some serious gameing time on XD lol, thats not the only reason why i'm not going over though. My really close friend (so close i call her family) is coming up from bahama's to spend time over the holiday with me. She somewhat knows about what is happening but not the whole story so it'll be someone else for me to talk to, i know that i'm not going to be seeing anyone that week because it'll just be our time to hang out and think about everything. I'm still confused on some of my feelings right now, i guess i'm just really craving a real relationship with someone instead of what i do have with Jamie and Danel.

The one & only
DarkEmo

Thats it?!

So i just got back from Dan's house and decided to make a blog....after showering, checking my myspace, my e-mail and more, so really i came back about half an hour ago XD lol! Dan and I meet up now about two or three times a week now, and he calls practically every day. He's a good distraction, instead of obsessing about what 'could be' with someone else, i just get agitated at how fast Dan is (in area's that he shouldn't be) when we first started he would last maybe about 10 to 15 minutes, which was fine with me, but today... as soon as i got there he was already done! not really, it was more like 5 minutes later, and i was so disappointed because i was just starting to get excited -_-' and when he tried again he couldn't get it up again, but he said he's call and wanted to see me again tomorrow, but i said Thursday, i don't want to go over EVERY day of the week!

one thing that i noticed today too was that it doesn't hurt as much as it did at first. thank god because it hurt like a fucker that very first time! and there's the whole Jamie thing.... I've stopped thinking about him as much as i use to and the feelings has gone down, because yesterday at school he kinda.....really looked like an idiot, but i don't want to judge him based on that, but it did change some things...but then again you don't have to be smart to do what i want him to do =]
and I'm also seeing couples all over the place and it kinda makes me jealous because i don't want just emotionless sex...i want a relationship, a real one.....

The one & only
DarkEmo

Sex sex and more sex

It's been a long time since I've made a blog, mostly because i didn't want a certain someone to read it....but why make a blog if no one can read it? any way, a lot has happened since my last blog. I wanted to become friends with benefits with one of my friends Jamie and we talked about it and he said sure. i was so happy ^_^ then a few weeks later we were both at a party and i got really drunk and high.....and we slept together that night. it was his first time and my first was with Dan, so i didn't have that pressure on me. it didn't last very long but it was good, less rough (Dan was rough). and then the next time we saw each other was kinda awkward. we talked about it and i asked if what happened that night was a one time thing, and he said "i don't know, maybe" and we were still close friends, some days even closer, but we haven't had sex again. it was driving me crazy because i wanted too, but i didn't know how he felt....or i didn't want to know because i was afraid of what i might hear. Dan's been calling again for the past week and now I'm using him to keep my mind off of Jamie, i think the reason why he's affecting me so much is because we were friends before. I've been going to Dan's house every now and then and we're very successful with the no strings attached relationship and i wish it could be like that with Jamie, a fuck with no emotions. My best friend is calling me a sex addict though because I've just lost my virginity and I've had more sex then him who lost it before me. i don't think I'm an addict because I'm not tossing it at everyone, but i do love a persons touch better and my hormones are at a high, this is just one way to calm them down =] one very fun way. I'm running low on condoms though, so I've got to get some more, Dan's always going through more than one, and I've got to start talking birth control just to be on the safe side. My mom found out that i slept with Jamie, but she thinks he was my first and that it was the only time I've had sex.... but that's far from the truth.